I Won't Let Go
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: They say life doesn't always go as you plan. Nearly every member of the NCIS family can attest to that, but sometimes life is just plain cruel. That is what Jimmy Palmer will learn when Breea receives a life shattering diagnosis. Of course the team rallies around their friend in his time of need. How will Jimmy cope with his new situation? Jimmy/Breena, McGee/Delilah.
1. Prologue

Jimmy Palmer was struggling to stay awake and focus on the body he was autopsying. To say that he was exhausted was an understatement. He wasn't this sleep deprived when Tori was first born and, Breena and him were taking turns getting up to tend to her needs. Tori was for the most part sleeping through the night, it was Breena keeping him awake. When he wasn't taking care of her needs, he was wide awake worrying about her.

"MR. PALMER!" Ducky cried.

"What is it, Dr. Mallard?" Jimmy asked groggily.

"Is there a reason you are sewing me into Mr. Rollins?" Ducky asked.

"Oh Dr. Mallard I am so sorry. I am just so exhausted." Ducky rambled.

"It is alright Mr. Palmer but you do not need to be working in your condition. Go up to Abigail's lab and lie down. I can finish up here." Ducky replied.

"Are you sure?" Jimmy yawned.

"Quite now get some rest and come in fresh tomorrow!" Ducky ordered.

* * *

Ducky was going increasingly more perplexed by Jimmy's behavior. It seemed as if the younger man was having a harder time staying focused and more concerning staying awake. Several times he had answered his phone at crime scenes. Even though such actions were expressly forbidden by Jethro. He was leaving abruptly in the middle of the day almost everyday. Each time saying that he either had to be with Breena or pick up Victoria. He also carried around a degree of sadness and fear that Dr. Mallard had not seen before. Knowing that he had to get back to Mr. Rollins before Jethro became angry. He made a mental note to speak with the younger man the next day.

* * *

Breena struggled to walk through the pharmacy. Her dad had sent her to pick up a prescription as he had to handle a funeral. In Ed's defense she hadn't had a migraine when he he asked her. That had come on out of the blue when she was driving. She had managed to make it to the pharmacy but knew she would never make it home. She figured she could get checked out at their small urgent care. She could rest there and somebody could call Jimmy to pick her up. She was halfway to the pick up area when she couldn't walk any further. She leaned heavily on the shelf and held onto her head, praying the moment would pass. The last thing she saw before collapsing was a large figure rushing towards her.

* * *

Tony's day was not going at all how he had planned. Tali had woken up feverish and cranky. Her temperature was just below the point where it was recommended to take her to the doctor. So he gave her something for pain and drew her a cold bath. When he was drying her off her rubbed her ear and she screamed. The key tip off to an ear infection. He spoke with his neighbor a mother of four and she advised he take her in and get her some antibiotics. Sure enough she had an ear infection and a prescription was called in. Tali was feeling terrible so he opted to leave her with his neighbor and then go grab the prescription. As he made his way to the pickup area he noticed Breena hunched over the shelf holding her head and obviously in pain. He started over towards her to ask if she was OK. When she started to collapse. He rushed over to her and grabbed her just before she whacked her head on the shelf. He moved her to safety and yelled for somebody to call 911. His body trembled with fear as he watched his friend's wife convulse on the pharmacy floor. How the hell was he going to explain this to Jimmy?

* * *

Jimmy stumbled down to Abby's lab and collapsed onto the couch. Derrick gave him a quizzical look and then went back to his work. Jimmy was relieved that Abby was down in New Orleans visiting her brother, Luca for the week and Derrick was filling in. He could really use an Abby hug right now but he wasn't ready to go into details about what was going on with Breena just yet. Derrick was nice enough but he was pretty oblivious to the outside world. He was a whiz in the lab and on top of everything but a marching band could come past him and he wouldn't even give it a second glance. Jimmy closed his eyes but as exhausted as he was, he knew that sleep would not come. He had not been able to relax lately at all lately. Breena had always had hormonal migraines and occasionally would get one if her allergies got bad enough, but recently it was almost a daily occurrence. It broke Jimmy's heart to see his wife so weak. He had taken her to the ER twice already but they could not give any answers. On top of all the anxiety he was up late almost every night taking care of either Tori, Breena, or both. He was in his now usual state of being somewhere between sleep and consciousness. When he was violently jolted to consciousness by the sound of his phone ringing. He didn't even panic anymore he was used to Breena's midday calls that she was home with another migraine. A bizarre feeling of relief and concern washed over him when he saw that it was Tony calling. Why would Tony be calling now? He was back in the United States now and knew Jimmy's work hours. Had something happened to Tali? Why wouldn't he call Gibbs? Maybe he was just not back on Easter Time quite yet. He had only been home for a couple of weeks. Wait maybe this was Breena's number. He didn't have his glasses on so he really couldn't tell. Groaning he answered again expecting to be met with Breena's usual weak voice. Instead he was met by what sounded like a siren and Tony's frantic calls. Maybe something had happened to Tali.

"Jimmy! Oh God! Jimmy!"

"Tony what's going on?"

"It's Breena."

"What do you mean? Breena was at work?"

"Tali has a bad ear infection. I had to take her to the ER and get her some antibiotics. I left her with a sitter to go to the pharmacy and I am glad that I did. While was there I saw Breena and she looked really bad. I am surprised you weren't with her. She was holding her head and seemed like she couldn't even walk. I went to check on her and she just went down. She was having a seizure, a bad one. The medics are here now trying to stabilize her. She's been convulsing for twenty minutes now. God, Jimmy I am so sorry. They said I could ride with her. She's going to Georgetown."

* * *

 **A/N: What is going on with Breena? Is it something treatable? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	2. Dread

This couldn't be happening. It had to be some terrible mistake, it just had to. Breena's migraines were worrisome but he never thought they could be this bad. He never expected her to collapse with a seizure and end up in the back of an ambulance. Why hadn't he made her go to the doctor sooner? Yes he had taken to the Emergency Room twice but they never got any real answers. The first time the doctor had claimed that Breena's symptoms were psychosomatic and they had just walked out. The second time she was menstruating and they chalked it up to hormones. She had a history of hormonal migraines and Jimmy was so tired by then. He had just taken their word for it. Now two weeks later she was in the hospital. He had gone to med school and through his internship and residency. He should have known that something as very wrong. If she ended up dead it would be entirely his fault.

"Mr. Palmer?" Ducky called.

"Doctor... Dr. Mallard?" Jimmy stammered.

"I need to let my neighbors Yorkshire terrier Conrad out and was wondering if you would like a ride home." Ducky offered.

"Actually I need to go to the hospital." Jimmy commented.

"The hospital?! What is wrong?" Ducky gasped.

"I am fine but Breena collapsed at the pharmacy, she had a seizure, it's really bad." Jimmy explained.

"Oh dear was Victoria with her?" Ducky asked.

"Thankfully she was still at the sitters." Jimmy replied.

"What hospital did they take her to?" Ducky asked.

"Georgetown, Tony was with her." Jimmy replied.

"Anthony? Why was he with her?" Ducky asked.

"Tali had an ear infection and he just happened to be at the pharmacy when Breena collapsed. He was the one who handled her seizure." Jimmy explained.

"Tali wasn't there was she?" Ducky asked.

"Tony left her with the neighbor." Jimmy replied.

"So Anthony went in the ambulance with her." Ducky assumed.

"Yes, I am so glad. I would hate for her to be alone." Jimmy replied.

"Do you have any idea what caused the seizure?" Ducky asked.

"She's been getting migraines lately and today the bottom must have fallen out." Jimmy explained.

"She always had hormonal migraines." Ducky commented.

"It's been all the time lately. I took her to the ER twice and each time we got no answers." Jimmy replied.

"It could just be a pinched nerve. I recall in high school I slipped on ice running from Margret Lawrence's house. See I had brought her home more than an hour passed curfew and Mr. Lawrence was far from thrilled. You will understand when Victoria is older. Anyway it was a dark and icy night and I slipped on some black ice going down a curb. I was so frightened that I kept on running as fast as my legs would carry me. It was a week after that, that the headaches started. Our family doctor told my parents everything from failing eyesight to a brain tumor. I was all set to go under for surgery when my cousin who was studying to be a chiropractor came over and needed a guinea pig for an adjustment. Figuring I had nothing to lose I offered myself. He noticed something amiss in my neck and drove me to the clinic where his mentor worked. I got a major adjustment and the next thing I knew the migraines were gone." Ducky explained.'

"Breena does hunch over a lot at work but I doubt that would trigger a seizure though those could be unrelated." Jimmy rambled.

"That is true but let's keep a good thought." Ducky replied.

* * *

Tony sat in the back corner of the hospital cafeteria. His hands shook so violently that half of his coffee had spilled out onto the table. He could not believe that he had seen Breena collapse and have a seizure. That whole incident reminded him so much of that day. Accept he had since been through the police academy and the intensive first aide training that went along with it. He now knew how to handle a seizure but he was still sure that he had done something wrong. He was sure that he had messed up just like he did back then. He knew the signs all to well. Breena's symptoms were exactly the same as hers. Knowing the symptoms and knowing the diagnosis, he knew that Breena was dying. Sure the treatments were better now but in the end it wouldn't make a difference. Maybe she would have some time. Maybe she would get to celebrate her and Jimmy's fifth anniversary but not many more than that. Maybe she would get to potty train Tori but she wouldn't be there to teach her how to use tampons. Maybe she would get to see Tori off to her first day of kindergarten but she wouldn't be in the stands at her graduation. He worried for Jimmy in all of this. Palmer was so sensitive and he loved Breena so much. Then there was poor Tori would she even remember her mother? Would Jimmy blame him for Breena's illness? He knew the symptoms and Jimmy knew that he knew but he said nothing. Now Breena was clinging to life and he couldn't help but blame himself.

* * *

Jimmy was alone in the hospital waiting room. Ed was too sick to come and wait, and Tori was too young. Tony had ridden with Breena in the ambulance but was now nowhere to be found. Tali was sick so he had probably called a cab once Breena was brought in and got back to his baby girl. Jimmy couldn't blame him. Minutes turned to hours and sometime in there Ducky returned from caring for his neighbor's dog. Even with his mentor by his side Jimmy still felt alone. More time past and the next thing Jimmy knew Ducky was tapping him on the shoulder. He looked up to see a doctor standing in front of him.

"Mr. Palmer, I am Dr. Cohen need you to come with me." The doctor said.

"Where's Breena?" Jimmy asked.

"She's in the ICU. You can see her soon but, right now you need to come with me." Dr. Cohen explained.

Jimmy followed Dr. Cohen down the hallway. He saw people make the same trek during his internship at Georgetown. This trek meant bad news, that his fears had been confirmed. He took a seat in the doctor's far too bright office. Dr. Cohen grabbed a clipboard and then took the behind his desk. The clipboard opened and Jimmy could practically see the bad news come flying out.

"I am sorry Mr. Palmer but your wife has a brain tumor." Dr. Cohen said.

* * *

 **A/N: What will Breena's prognosis be? Who was the first person Tony knew with the same tumor? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	3. Hits

Jimmy had known for a long time that bad news was coming, but he was never expecting anything like this. Given her symptoms a brain tumor made sense but he was convinced that it would never happen to him. At least not when they were this young. He was barely thirty and Breena was only twenty-eight. Then there was poor Tori who hadn't even yet turned two. He had no idea how he was going to handle this. How would he handle months of Breena being sick, too weak to do anything at all? How would he handle it if she did not survive? She was the love of his life he could not think about that right now. He was overcome by grief and fear, tears began to pour down his cheeks. He was not ready for this. How was he ever supposed to be ready for this?

"I understand that this is difficult to process." Dr. Cohen started.

"What do we do now?" Jimmy asked.

"The decisions for treatment will fall to Breena but the best course of option would be surgery, followed by radiation, chemo if the tumor is found to be cancerous. If Breena chooses surgery we will often try to remove at least part of the tumor that same day." Dr. Cohen explained.

"And what are her chances?" Jimmy asked.

"We won't have a definite answer until we have the results of the biopsy and are able to see the full tumor." Dr. Cohen explained.

"When will you do the biopsy?" Jimmy asked.

"We will preform the operation as soon as she stabilizes." Dr. Cohen replied.

"May I see her?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes but it will have to stay short." Dr. Cohen replied.

* * *

As desperately as Jimmy wanted Ducky to be with him, only immediate family was permitted in the Neuro ICU. Ed was too sick and Tori was too young, he was alone. Because he had a child under twelve and a family member with a communicable illness. Jimmy had to go through the lengthy process of washing and scrubbing up. It was all worth it just to get a few minutes with Breena, who knew how much time he had left with her. He came into her room and was relieved to see that she looked for the most part normal. She had some bruises on her face and arms, and her face was slightly askew, but she was not horrifically disfigured.

"Breena, it's me. I am so sorry that I was not there for you when you collapsed. I am just glad that Tony could be there. Though I cannot imagine how rough that must have been. He's still so haunted by what happened to her. It's weird that you have the same disease that she did. Even the same tumor or at least that's how it sounds. Look I don't know how much you can hear and I don't want to over stress you. We will talk later but I love you. OK, can you make sure to remember that." Jimmy told his wife, desperately wishing that he had somebody by his side.

* * *

For a long time Ducky sat in the waiting room, waiting for Jimmy to return. Time passed and the younger man did not return. Finally his concern got the best of him and he stepped outside to check his calls. There were no calls from Mr. Palmer. He returned to the waiting room and continued his vigil. After awhile Jimmy finally came through the double doors, tears were flowing from his cheeks.

"Mr. Palmer, is everything OK?" Ducky asked.

"Breena has a brain tumor, she might be dying." Jimmy sniffed, falling into the older man's arms.

"Oh Mr. Palmer, I am so sorry." Ducky replied, embracing his mentee.

* * *

Tony was relieved to be home with his baby girl, to be holding her in his arms. He gently rocked her as she fell asleep. Words could not express how relieved he was that she was not with him at the pharmacy, that afternoon. He could not imagine having to explain to his toddler why her friend's mommy had gotten sick on the floor. He knew exactly what to say, he just didn't want to say it. What human wanted to tell their child somebody close to them was sick? At least when the time came he could give a more gentle explanation than Senior had given to him. Jimmy's explanation to Tori would certainly be more gentle. Poor Jimmy and Tori, how would they ever get through this? How would Tori survive without her mommy? How would Jimmy survive without his wife? Finally his emotions got the best of him and he could not longer hold back his tears.

"Abba sad?" Tali asked, waking from her slumber.

"Yeah, Abba sad." Tony replied.

"Why?" Tali asked.

"One of my friends just got some bad news but it's nothing you need to worry about." Tony explained.

"No sad Abba" Tali pleaded.

"I will try Tateleh." Tony replied, praying he could keep the promise.

* * *

Leaving the hospital was hard for Jimmy but he needed to get home to his baby girl. Breena was going to be in the hospital for a while and Tori deserved at least one parent to be at home with her. Tori was already asleep by the time he got home. He stepped into his baby girl's room and picked up her tiny little hands into his own. Breena was sick and the doctors didn't sound very optimistic. Even if she survived it would be a long time before she was back on her feet. He would be a single father at least for a little while. He considered himself to be a pretty good dad but it was different when he was on his own and with Breena requiring extra care. Well that would make life even more complicated. He had no idea how he was supposed to handle this on his own.

* * *

 **A/N: Jimmy's about to have a lot on his plate. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	4. Not Like We Planned

It was three days before Breena was deemed stable enough to undergo the biopsy. Those three days were the longest of Jimmy's life. Breena had remained unconscious throughout that time, only waking briefly on the second day. As a result it was up to Jimmy to make the final decision in regards to the surgery. As painful as the decision was. He told the doctors to simply take enough of the tumor for a biopsy. At this point there was no real way of knowing if Breena would survive or not and he didn't want to put her through a major procedure. If it would be a futile attempt at saving her life anyway. If and when Breena woke up the decision would be up to her. In the hours leading up to the surgery Jimmy sat alone at Breena's bedside. Ducky and Ed would be by his side during the procedure but both were presently occupied. Ed was assisting a grieving family but was due to arrive any minute. While Ducky was trying to get things squared away at NCIS. With Jimmy gone all responsibilities had fallen onto the older man, but he would be there unless a body needed his attention first. For the time being Jimmy had told his co-workers he was taking leave to help Breena out due to a medical problem. He had left it vague and Tony had told everybody to back off. So far they had but Abby was due back from New Orleans the next day. Somehow he doubted the calm would last very long once she was home.

* * *

The last thing Breena remembered was standing in the aisle at the drug store. She was dizzy and her knees were weak. She remembered being in the throws of the worst headache had, had ever suffered with. Tony was standing in the center aisle but suddenly began rushing towards her. That was the last thing she remembered. When she woke she was in a dark room, the beep and hiss of medical machines were the first noises she heard. Followed by muffled voices. Lastly she heard Jimmy's voice and felt his soft hand on hers.

"Breena?" Jimmy called, softly.

"Jimmy? Where... where am I?" Breena asked.

"You are in the hospital. You had a seizure at the drug store. It was Tony who helped you because I was at work. You have been here for three days." Jimmy explained.

"Why did I have a seizure?" Breena questioned.

"You have a brain tumor. It's at the back of your brain near the stem. They were just about to take you back for a biopsy." Jimmy explained.

"Are they going to remove it?" Breena asked.

"They wanted to remove it when they did the biopsy but you were not conscious yet and I did not know what you wanted." Jimmy explained.

"I want it out. I don't want to die. I want to be there for you and Tori." Breena explained.

"It's extremely risky." Jimmy commented.

"I don't care. If it will end these headaches once and for all and be there for my family." Breena insisted.

"I will see what I can do." Jimmy replied, kissing Breena on the forehead.

"Tori, when can I see her?" Breena asked.

"After surgery." Jimmy replied, before leaving the room.

* * *

The good news was that the doctors agreed to remove the tumor or at least try to, during the biopsy. The bad was that, that meant she had to be pushed back to later that afternoon. Ducky and Ed had rushed to his side as soon as they heard the news, but Jimmy still felt painfully alone. Breena's surgery was now going to last three times as long and be at least twice as risky. Ed was relieved that his daughter was getting the tumor removed. He had been furious when Jimmy announced that he had chosen not to allow the tumor to be removed. Ducky and Jimmy had superior medical knowledge and knew that the surgery was too much of a risk.

"When did they say she will be going back?" Ed asked.

"Two the surgery can last over six hours." Jimmy explained.

"Are you going to bring Tori by?" Ed asked.

"The doctors said it would be better to bring her tomorrow. In an ideal world Breena will be more aware by then." Jimmy explained.

"I trust you will be staying the night?" Ed asked.

"Of course I will but you are more than welcome to stay as well." Jimmy replied.

"Why didn't you just get her the surgery?" Ed demanded.

"She was in a coma and I did not know what she wanted. When she woke and wanted the surgery I was more than willing to allow it." Jimmy explained.

"Well she wanted it! So why couldn't you just approve?!" Ed demanded.

"I didn't know she wanted it." Jimmy replied, calmly.

"I just feel like you were not thinking with her interests in heart." Ed commented.

"How could you say that?" Jimmy questioned.

"What could you not handle it if she were disabled? Prefer her to be dead?" Ed questioned.

"Edward there is a chance that she will not survive the operation. In fact there is a good chance that nothing can be done. James was just trying to ensure that life was as peaceful as possible for Breena. Especially if it were the end." Ducky explained.

"He just didn't want the added responsibilities!" Ed cried.

"He has proved time and time again that he loves that woman. Why can you not see that? I know that

Breena has made it clear." Ducky insisted.

"Stop it!" Jimmy cried.

"Mr. Palmer? Are you alright?" Ducky asked.

"My wife is about to have major brain surgery, your daughter, your daughter in law. Can we just remain civil for Breena's sake? We can argue later." Jimmy insisted.

"You are right." Ed gasped.

"We are acting shamefully and in a hospital waiting room at that." Ducky added.

* * *

Breena was taken back at two o'clock in the afternoon. Ed, Jimmy, and Ducky managed to hold to their truce as they waited for the results. Minutes turned to hours, and before anybody knew it was dinnertime. The men ended up taking turns going down to the cafeteria for dinner. Ducky went first, then Ed, and last was Jimmy. Who was so anxious he brought his food up to the waiting room. Where two thirds of it ended up discarded into the trashcan in the corner. By some miracle what little food Jimmy had eaten had not wound up in the same location. It was passed the end of visitors hours before a surgeon in blood soaked scrubs approached them. All three knew right away the news was not going to be anywhere near good.

"Family of Breena Palmer?" The doctor questioned.

"That's us" Jimmy replied.

"I am Dr. Willis and I assisted in the biopsy and attempted removal of Breena's tumor." Dr. Willis introduced.

"How did it go?" Jimmy questioned.

"I am afraid the procedure did not go as planned. The tumor was far larger and closer to the brain-stem than we had anticipated. When we still thought that we could remove the tumor, Breena began to hemorrhage. We worked for hours to ease the bleeding and swelling. She is stable now but we will not know her condition until she wakes up. I am sorry." Dr. Willis explained.

"What are her chances?" Jimmy asked.

"At this point it is zero percent survival cancerous or benign. With treatment she could live six months but without I am giving her one to three. Again I am so sorry." Dr. Willis explained,

* * *

 **A/N: Not the news that Jimmy wanted but at least Breena came through surgery and will have time with him and Tori. The team finds out in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	5. Devastation

In that moment Jimmy desperately wished that he had his entire family with him. He had Ducky but he wanted the rest of his family. He wanted them to pull him into a group hug, the same way they had with Tony when they learned Ziva was dead. Breena was still alive but no matter what they did she would not be for very long. He had pretty much been anticipating bad news but nothing this bad. He was thinking cancer and maybe lifelong disability but nothing like this. Not a terminal diagnosis right off the bat. Three to six months, maybe more, but maybe less. It wasn't enough time. Why hadn't he been more forceful when Breena first got sick? Maybe then something could have been done. Maybe in that case he could have saved her life. At least given her more than just a few months. Maybe they could have had a year together. There was so much they would never get to do. All the major holidays were either outside the deadline or so close to the end that she may not have enough in her to be aware. Tori's second birthday was right at the end of the six months. Would she even be able to celebrate her daughter's birthday or would she be confined to bed. If she was alive she would be too sick for a party and he couldn't have Tori around germ filled kids when Breenas's immunity was down. How was he supposed to work if Tori couldn't do daycare? He could get home healthcare for Breena but legally her nurses could only mind Victoria while Jimmy used the restroom or went next door to borrow sugar. He wouldn't even feel comfortable running to the store up the road for a couple of things. Even if the nurses assured him they wouldn't get in trouble for just a short trip. How selfish was he? Worrying about himself when Breena was dying? But what could he do? His entire life had been turned upside down. He was trying to find the ability to speak or at least move. It was almost like he was hanging in suspended animation. He could hear Ed screaming at Doctor Willis, that he had made some mistake or was trying to line his pockets. It was all completely deranged. Jimmy just wanted the courage to ask about increasing Breena's quality of life and maybe giving her a little more time. He had tears in his eyes and that was about the only function he could control at the moment. Ducky had placed his hands on Jimmy's shoulders and was trying his best to reassure the younger man.

"Oh Mr. Palmer." Ducky whispered.

"I can't do this. How am I supposed to deal with this?" Jimmy sobbed.

"You?! You are not the one who is sick and dying! What is your life going to have to halt! Oh you have to be a father and actually step up around the house!" Ed snapped.

"Edward!" Ducky warned.

"He's being selfish!" Ed argued.

"Pish Posh! As if you were not feeling the same day that Breena's mother died. He has lost the woman he loved!" Ducky snapped.

"I cannot deal with you people now!" Ed screamed.

* * *

Jimmy managed to pull himself together enough to visit Breena once she was out of recovery. Ed on the other hand was still belligerent and hysterical. Ducky had opted to stay in the waiting room but was willing to come back if Jimmy needed him. He walked back to Breena's room in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit. To Jimmy's surprise she was awake and judging by the look on her face it was clear that she knew that something was very wrong. He took a seat by her side and picked up her hand. He wondered how many more times he would get with her. Her condition was so poor that he was fully expecting a rapid deterioration. He wanted to cry but he had to be strong for her, no matter how hard it would be for him.

"Did Dr. Willis talk to you?" Jimmy asked.

"No I just woke up." Breena replied.

"The tumor was too large to be removed. They took a fraction for biopsy but the tumor was too close to the brain-stem. It would have killed you." Jimmy explained.

"What now?" Breena asked.

"They can try radiation and chemo if there's cancer but it won't save your life. All it will do is give you a few more months. If you are lucky." Jimmy explained.

"I want the treatment. They are making strides every day and if I can get more time. Maybe I can last until they have some new treatment that will save me." Breena explained.

"Six months" Jimmy sighed.

"Better than none" Breena replied.

* * *

Breena would remain hospitalized for at least the next seventy-two hours. They were waiting for the results of the biopsy and a few other tests to determine if Breena were even a candidate for treatments. Ducky had taken Tori and Jimmy had stayed at the hospital. He slept curled up in a ball on a too small and a far too hard couch. The next morning he choked down a plate of eggs and pancakes and then headed up to Breena's room. He was greeted by the terrible sound of a screaming heart monitor. Followed by a nurse announcing "CODE BLUE, SICU 214". That was Breena's room. He tried to get into the ICU but was denied access. He pressed his face against the window and watched as the doctors and nurses rushed around. Finally a doctor came out and spoke with him.

"How is she?" Jimmy asked.

"We were able to resuscitate her but she had a major seizure and a possible small stroke." The doctor explained.

* * *

Jimmy wanted to break the news to the team today but he couldn't leave Breena in this state. He was finally allowed into her room and after that he sat and waited for hours. Finally around lunchtime she stirred on the bed and seconds later she blinked one eye open.

"Breena?" Jimmy called.

"Doctor?" Breena slurred.

"No Breena it's me, Jimmy. I am your husband." Jimmy replied.

"Legs won't move." Breena slurred.

"I am getting a doctor!" Jimmy cried.

"Who are you?" Breena asked.

* * *

 **A/N: Things are going down hill fast. How will Jimmy cope? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	6. Struggle

It seemed as if each passing day brought more bad news for Jimmy and Breena. The doctors had informed Jimmy that Breena had suffered a stroke as she came out of the seizure. Her legs were totally paralyzed and she had only very limited use of her arms. She would never again cradle Victoria or hold Jimmy's hand. She had undergone surgery to place a feeding tube and had been on oxygen ever since she had been revived. Soon after it was determined that her brain tumor was cancerous. She was a candidate for radiation but her body was too weak to withstand the effects of chemo. She was suffering up to twenty seizures a day with at least one of them being severe. Her memory would come and go. One minute she would be fine and the next she would think that she was five years old. Jimmy would become Ed, Ed would become her grandfather, and Tori would become her baby sister. The doctor had said that her tumor was triggering a form of dementia. This day was bittersweet, Breena had finally been declared healthy enough to return from the hospital. She would come back every Monday and Thursday for radiation treatments. Until either she was declared too weak to receive even radiation or until she passed. Jimmy was praying hard for a peaceful passing. He wanted her to just die in her sleep, without too much pain.

"Are they going to spring her soon?" Ed asked, solemnly as he entered Breena's room.

"They are waiting for the ambulance. They don't want to tie up the hospital's ambulances, so they are sending one over from a local hospice." Jimmy explained.

"How are you holding up?" Ed asked.

"I'm hanging on." Jimmy replied.

"Same" Ed agreed.

"Breena had a bad night. She wet the bed and it was during one of her spells. She was worried that her big sister would tease her." Jimmy explained.

"My poor baby" Ed whispered.

"I've bought supplies. That's going to be weird." Jimmy replied.

"Are you sure you have room for everything?" Ed asked.

"Yeah the living room is big enough to be her "hospital". She has a bed, oxygen, feeding tube supplies, and a few other medical supplies in in her room. She will have the big TV when she is awake. Tori and I can use my bedroom as the living room." Jimmy explained.

"Where is Tori?" Ed asked.

"Ducky has her again. He is going to take her when Breena is. I mean when it's time. That way I can focus solely on her." Jimmy explained.

"Can I stay with you? At the end I mean?" Ed asked.

"Of course. You can have my bed. I will sleep either on the air mattress we have in Tori's closet from when Breena had to breastfeed every few hours or I can sleep on the couch. Unless you want to be near her." Jimmy explained.

"I would love to be but at my age. I can't really sleep on the couch." Ed replied.

"She knows you care." Jimmy assured.

"Thanks and I am sorry that I haven't exactly been on my best behavior through all of this." Ed apologized.

"It's OK. I couldn't imagine if Tori were the one who was sick." Jimmy replied.

"God, don't even go there." Ed replied.

"We are ready to bring her down Mr. Palmer." A nurse announced.

* * *

Ed Slater was struggling to cope with his daughter's diagnosis. She had been complaining of headaches for months and left work early almost every day, but he was never anticipating anything like this. He had known that a brain tumor was a possibility but a terminal and rapidly progressing tumor? Even in his worse nightmares, did he ever imagine anything like that. Not when Breena was only twenty-eight and certainly not when he was still in the realm of the living. He had already lost the love of his life and his other two daughter's. It was a tragic car accident two weeks before Breena's sixth birthday that took his wife, and his oldest and youngest daughters. Beverly Lynne was only thirty-four years old, there eldest Chelsea was merely fifteen, and sweet baby Adelaide Rose was only eighteen months old. Beverly was driving them all to Chelsea's JV Volleyball tournament in the driving rain. The family's van hydroplaned on the bridge and Beverly was knocked unconscious when she hit her head on the window. Chelsea grabbed the wheel of the car and tried to gain control but she failed, and the car hit the wall of the bridge. It was later discovered that the wall had been improperly built and offered no real support. Beverly had suffered traumatic brain injury when she hit her head and mercifully died before the crash. Chelsea was discovered in the backseat though by all accounts she was riding in the front. She had perished trying to save her baby sister. Little Adelaide was the sole survivor of the initial crash but she had suffered a near drowning experience. She had been without oxygen for so long that it triggered an Anoxic Brain Injury. She had significant brain damage and after a month of seizures, four strokes, two cases of pneumonia, and finally an infection in her brain. Her little body could fight no longer and she died in the arms of her father and older sister. The loss of his other daughters and wife had left Ed extremely protective of his sole surviving daughter. That is why he could not trust even sweet, gentle Jimmy with his Breena. Jimmy had been so kind and, it was clear that he adored Breena and his baby girl Tori. Still he did not trust his son in law. Ironically the way he handled Breena's illness was the proof he needed that Jimmy was good enough. The definition of too little, too late.

* * *

Ed had agreed to stay with Breena so that Jimmy could go back to NCIS. Director Vance and him had decided that it would be best if he were with Breena in her final days. So he was on family leave, indefinitely. He would only be paid for six weeks but Ed had agreed to handle any expenses that he could not afford. He was not ready to tell the team but he had no choice. They were going to find out soon enough. Better now than after Breena had already died. Ducky, Vance, and Tony already knew but had agreed to keep the news secret until Jimmy was ready to break the news. His body trembled as he stepped through the elevator doors. He looked around Jethro Gibbs' bullpen where his entire team and Abby were gathered. He stepped to the center of the bullpen and cleared his throat.

"Got something to say kid?" Gibbs asked.

"As many of you know I have taken an extended family leave. The reason being that Breena..." Jimmy started.

"Ohhh you are finally adopting aren't you?!" Abby cried.

"Abby!" McGee hissed.

"I wish that it was under such positive circumstances but I am afraid the reason for my leave is due to Breena's diagnosis of a terminal cancerous brain tumor." Jimmy explained.

"Terminal?" McGee gasped.

"Oh Jimmy I am so sorry!" Abby cried.

"Is Breena the daughter or the wife?"Agent Caplain, the newest probie asked in a whisper.

"Wife" McGee replied, in a whisper.

"Geez kid that is horrible. I am so sorry." Gibbs apologized.

"Is there anything we can do?" McGee asked.

"Just be there. We will have nurses round the clock until she passes but I may need somebody to mind Tori or sit with her if our nurse is delayed and I need to go out, but mostly I need people to talk to. I am really struggling." Jimmy explained.

"Of course" McGee replied.

"Always" Caplain agreed, even though he doubted he would last long.

"That goes without saying. We all love you!" Abby cried.

"Anytime kid" Gibbs replied.

"Thank you guys it means a lot but my heart is breaking. I don't think I can drive home and I can't call Ed away." Jimmy sobbed.

"I'll take ya kid." Gibbs replied.

* * *

 **A/N: At least the team took it well. Now if Ed can just open up to Jimmy about Breena's mom and sisters. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	7. Conformation

Two weeks had passed since Breena had come home from the hospital. Every Monday and Thursday Jimmy would drive her to radiation at one in the afternoon. It was during that time that Jimmy would get his errands run. Breena was too sick to get out except for her treatments and the nurse could not legally watch Victoria. Breena was sleeping most of the time. When she was awake she was either confused and delirious or crying out from pain. Her sleeping had become a relief to Jimmy because her suffering was not visible. Jimmy had taken to sleeping on the couch in the living room. It was just too surreal for him to sleep up in the bedroom alone. He had tried to bring Victoria in with him one night but she kept crawling around where Breena used to sleep looking for her mommy. Seeing his daughter so frantic was more traumatic for Jimmy than sleeping alone. So he took the baby monitor downstairs and adapted to sleeping on the couch. Sleeping on the couch was actually better for both him and Breena. It was nice to be right there if she woke up and needed him for anything. It was always nice when she woke up and was aware. It was nice for him to be called Jimmy and to be able to tell her how much he loved her and what a great wife and mother she was. When she was out of it he had to pretend to be her father. Even with all the time that passed that was still rough. He wished that he had the heart to tell her that she was an adult and they were married but he didn't have the heart. Not when awareness meant pain and fear. He was scared enough for the both of them.

* * *

Tony stepped nervously through the door of Ducky's brownstone. The Medical Examiner had invited everybody over for a dinner. Where they would discuss plans for helping Jimmy out. It was a strange feeling for Tony to be at a team dinner. This would be his first since returning to the United States. There had been a welcome back party at his favorite pizza place but this was the first dinner of official team business. Even though Tony wasn't on the team anymore, he was still considered to be a part of the team family. Which meant attending all of the official team dinners. The idea of discussing official business with his former teammates was not what scared him. It was what they were going to be talking about. He did not think that he could handle discussing Breena's illness. Thinking about her being sick brought back every terrible memory from his mother's death. The details of which the team did not know.

"Anthony! My boy we are in the dining room!" Ducky called.

"We'll be right there." Tony called back.

"Oh I see that you brought young Tali." Ducky observed stepping out of the kitchen.

"Yeah I didn't have any choice. My sitter fell through at the last minute." Tony apologized.

"It is quite alright. Young I am afraid that Breena is having a bad day and young Victoria is staying with me for the night." Ducky explained.

"Oh no" Tony gasped.

"They are fearing that they will have to rush her to the hospital." Ducky replied.

"That bad?" Tony asked.

"She has been suffering seizures and has recently been coughing up blood." Ducky explained.

"Shit" Tony whispered.

"We may be in crunch time I am afraid. Anyway Victoria is in the guest room. I am sure that she would love to play with each other." Ducky replied.

* * *

Tony took the remaining seat that was between McGee and Abby. Sitting around the table were Ducky, Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Bishop, Caplain, and Delilah. Everybody was visibly upset but Delilah was the most affected. Breena and her had gotten to be really close friends over the past few years. Tony took another look around the room and desperately wished that he could be anywhere else but here.

"Where were you?" Abby asked in a loud whisper.

"My sitter's son came down with chicken pox and I am still having trouble getting Tali's records so I don't know what vaccinations she has. I called around but it was so last minute I had to bring her along." Tony explained.

"It's just chicken pox." Abby reminded.

"I know but we also don't know any of her medical history so it could end up very serious." Tony explained.

"Can we get back to Jimmy?" McGee asked.

"Of course we can Timothy. We have agreed to start taking shifts with Breena. They have lost Jimmy's insurance and Breena's will only cover part time care." Ducky explained.

"I thought Jimmy was covered by family leave." Tony remarked.

"There was a paperwork mix-up. Vance is working like mad to get it sorted out but there's only so much he can do." McGee explained.

"We have it mostly sorted out but we really need you on weekday afternoons and Saturdays when we are on duty." Ducky explained.

"I have Tali." Tony reminded.

"Can't you spring for a couple extra hours of daycare?" Ducky asked.

"She is in the school's daycare and they are only open until six." Tony explained.

"Edward is staying in the evenings." Ducky explained.

"Look I just can't OK." Tony hissed.

"Well what can you do? Because all of us have been helping Jimmy since the day we found out but you have done nothing! We know that you knew! Jimmy told us!" Abby cried.

"I just have a lot on my plate with Tali is all." Tony fibbed.

"I think you just don't care." Abby remarked.

"Of course I care. Look I should get going Tali needs to eat." Tony remarked.

"I brought her a children's meal." Ducky commented.

"No excuses. Now why won't you help?" Abby demanded.

"Seriously Tony. All of us stepped up to help with Tali." McGee remarked.

"And it's only for a couple of hours. If you can't get daycare just bring her and she can play with Tori. I am sure she needs a playmate." Bishop offered.

"Come on Tony I barely know the guy and I am helping out." Caplain added.

"Step up DiNozzo. I'd hate to lose respect for you." Gibbs ordered.

"Anthony you really need to help Jimmy. He was especially helpful to you when you first got Tali and he had a lot on his plate. Breena was just getting sick." Ducky explained.

"It's not that I don't care." Tony started.

"Then what's your excuse?" Abby demanded.

"Guys I think that we need to drop it." Delilah commented.

"NO! This is ridiculous!" McGee argued.

"I feel sick. I need to get home." Tony lied, jumping up and racing to pick up Tali.

* * *

Jimmy paced nervously around the living room. Breena was lying on her bed barely breathing, a small stream of blood trickling from her mouth, her eyes rolled back in her head. The paramedics were due to arrive at anytime but due to her condition he had to wait for the ambulance that had life-support equipment. He prayed that this wasn't it. There was no way he could handle it now. He would barely be able to handle it in three to six months but at least he would have had time to prepare. Two weeks was not enough. Breena's heart rate plummeted just as the sirens were rushing down his street.

"Hang on Breena. Please just hang on." Jimmy pleaded.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony have the courage to open up to the team. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	8. Difficult Memories

The Palmer's were now back in their home. Breena had been evaluated at the hospital and by the following morning they were sent home. With discouraging news. The tumor had grown and new spots were found on her head, lungs, bladder, and bones. With that the death sentence was reduced from three to six months to thirty to ninety days. Ed was sitting in his car, crying for his last daughter and Jimmy sat by Breena's bedside. Just wondering how many more moments like this they had left. She had been awake three of the last twenty-four hours. Jimmy thought back to his medical school training. He wondered if her sleep meant that she was actively dying or if it was simply the morphine she had been prescribed at the hospital. She was on a constant drip of the most powerful dosage they would give to a person. Reserved for only people near the end. Patients who had absolutely no risk of becoming addicted. Even if they did it's not like it would be a major tragedy. Jimmy took Breena's hand into his own and lifted it over the side of the bed. He felt a slight pressure and looked down to see Breena's hand squeezing his. Her eyes were open and she appeared to be alert. As alert as she could be in her current state anyway.

"Breena?" Jimmy questioned.

"Love you" Breena slurred and then she was back asleep.

* * *

The previous night's confrontation was weighing heavily on Tony's mind. He had distraction in the morning with his work but it was late afternoon now and all the students had gone home. He had gone to collect Tali from daycare but found her happily playing with the daughter of one of the geography teachers. She didn't even see him. His baby girl was so independent, so strong. Just like her mother. Oh how Tony wished that Ziva could be here now. She could help him through his concerns and she could talk to the team. He knew that it would be better for him to talk to them but they wouldn't listen. They never listened. Their intentions were good but they couldn't see into his heart. They didn't know the story and if he told it now it would sound like an excuse, a lie. Maybe that's what it was. He was not eight years old anymore, Breena was not his mother, and Jimmy certainly was not Senior. Still he couldn't sit there and watch Breena die. That's what he was doing after all. Sitting by while she convulsed and slid down hill. Maybe even being there when she took her final breaths. It had happened suddenly with his mother. They had known it was the end for a while but she was doing well that day. Better than she had in months. She was almost like she had been before. In the final days even a whisper would send her into convulsions. That's how severe the pain had become, but that night she was doing well enough to have the TV on in the room. She had said that she loved him and then closed her eyes. After a while there was this choking, hiss like gasp and just like that she was gone. From there it was a blur of nurses turning off the machines, taking her away, and moving him to another room. The only thing that stood out was seeing a woman being wheeled into his mother's room. A little boy stood in the hall crying. The boy's father gave him a piece of candy and a small toy, and pulled the boy into a hug. Senior burst into the room and grabbed Tony by the wrist. He got his ass beat in the parking lot and then he did not see the older man again until the funeral. Senior cried for the cameras but would punch Tony in the arm if he cried when they were not around. Tony couldn't help but wonder what Breena's death would do to Jimmy. Would he be like the father in the hallway or would his grief send him down the road of being Senior? Tony crushed his water bottle in his hand and thrust it hard against the wall. This was exactly why he could not be around Breena at this stage. He could help Jimmy in other ways but he could not simply sit back and watch Breena die. He could not let those memories keep bubbling up to the surface.

* * *

Ed sat up on the floor of Jimmy and Breena's bedroom. It was surreal for him to be spending his nights in the room his daughter had once shared with her husband. The very room where his granddaughter had been conceived. Meanwhile his thirty year old son-in-law sat downstairs while his twenty-nine year old wife die of a brain tumor. Meanwhile he was at fifty-seven and perfectly healthy. Fifty-seven wasn't exactly old age. Closer to the tail end of middle age but it was still a better age to die than twenty-eight years old. Especially given the young age of sweet Victoria. She wasn't even two years old yet. His only surviving daughter was grown, Chelsea would have been thirty-seven by now. Just a year younger than her mother had been. Even little Adelaide would have been twenty-two. Still young but ready for the world. Once Breena was gone that would be it for his family. He had Victoria but once Breena was gone. Jimmy would have no obligation to him. He would grow old all alone and wallow in misery. He dreaded the idea of being alone in the world but nothing was worse than the idea of watching Breena die. She had constant seizures and her body was rapidly giving up. It was not right that Jimmy and him were left to change the diapers of a grown woman. The same way they did for her toddler daughter. Breena would cry when she was awake for a changing. She was embarrassed and rightfully devastated. That only added to the grief that Ed was left feeling. A grief that he knew would not leave him alone. A grief that would paralyze him. In the same way that the grief had paralyzed him when he lost Beverly, Chelsea, and Adelaide. Except this time there would not be a six year old depending on him for everything. Even if Jimmy let Tori stay in his life. She had Jimmy and he was just the grandfather. His heart was broken and he could not carry on any longer. He knew that he could not keep on in this world. He had to take himself out of the planet. He had seen the messy ones and did not want to leave that for Jimmy to find. There were powerful pills downstairs but what kind of monster would end it all using the pain pills of his dying child? He noticed the meter sitting on the bedside table. Jimmy always had at least a week's worth of insulin and he had just filled a new prescription. He grabbed the needles from their holder and injected himself with just the right amount to take down a man of his height and weight. He slumped over on the bed and closed his eyes. When they opened he was in the presence of Beverly, Chelsea, and Adelaide. Just as he remembered them. Beverly held a small boy in her arms. A baby tiny, just born but too small to have been birthed on the earthly plane. At least not with the goal of survival in mind. Before his eyes Beverly aged and the girls grew. The boy grew as well but stopped once he had reached the size of a baby ready to be born. The boy looked just like them. In that moment Ed recalled the morning before the girl's died. Beverly had taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. This baby would have been the son he had longed for, for so many years.

* * *

 **A/N: Was Ed's suicide successful or is this just a near death experience. New chapter would be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	9. Procedure

Tori's cries pulled Jimmy from his wife's side. He waited for a while expecting Ed to either tend to her needs or bring her down to him. When the child continued to cry and there was no movement upstairs. Jimmy stood and made his way up to his daughter's room. Just by entering the room he knew that Tori needed her diaper changed. He quickly changed the child's diaper before scooping her up to bring her down to the living room. He studied the closed door to his bedroom. Ed had been up there an awfully long time and it was getting near to dinner time. Jimmy shifted Tori to one arm and knocked on the door with the other hand. There was no response and now he was extremely concerned. He opened the door and stepped inside. What he saw caused him to nearly drop his child. Ed was hunched over on the floor by the bed, with a needle in his arm. He rushed Tori back to her room and closed the door behind him. Before returning to the room. He placed his fingers on Ed's neck. The old man's skin was clammy and there was no pulse. He lifted the man's head and looked into his eyes. They were completely void of any life. He would guess that Ed had died some time around three in the afternoon. A knot formed in Jimmy's stomach when he saw that his kit was opened on the bed. On the floor beside Ed was a small piece of paper. Before he even read it he knew that it was a suicide note.

" _Jimmy will most likely be the one to find me. He of all people will understand. I cannot go on knowing that my baby girl is dying. That I will have lost my entire family and knowing that she is suffering so greatly. I am sorry for leaving you alone in this battle but I can't go on. Every day is pure misery and grief. I will be reunited with my family and know that Breena will join me soon. Ed Slater"_

* * *

Even though Ed had left behind a suicide note. Jimmy knew well enough to treat his room like a crime scene. He made sure not to touch the needle or his insulin kit and was extremely cautious about touching Ed. He grabbed his phone and dialed 911.

"911 my name is Carrie what's your emergency."

"This is Jimmy Palmer and my father in law Ed Slater committed suicide."

"Have you attempted CPR?"

"No he was already too far gone when I found him."

"Is there any sign of foul play or a struggle?"

"No"

"We will send somebody right over."

"Thank you"

* * *

The next few hours passed by in a blur. Ed's death was treated as a potential murder. Just as Jimmy knew that it would be. The detectives had quickly commented that it appeared to be a cut and dry suicide. Still Jimmy being the only competent adult in the house at the time was brought in for questioning. He knew that it was procedure and complied with orders. One of the detectives stayed behind to keep an eye on Tori. Jimmy opted not to call a lawyer in but he knew what to expect in interrogation. He hadn't exactly been interrogated when he was caught stealing ridiculous tutu wearing opossum from his the rivaling dance school. The arresting officers just made him promise never to do it again and he had to pay for the window he broke and the landscaping he had damaged. The only reason he spent the night in jail was because his mom was up in Boston for Clarke's parents weekend. No he had learned of interrogation during his years working for NCIS.

"Good evening Mr. Palmer, I am office Jenkins." Officer Jenkins greeted as he stepped into the room.

"Hello officer" Jimmy replied.

"Do you know why you are here?" Officer Jenkins asked.

"Yes sir" Jimmy replied.

"Can you tell me why?" Officer Jenkins asked.

"I am a suspect in the death of my father in law Edward Frances Slater." Jimmy replied.

"Very good. Did you and your father in law have a strained relationship?" Officer Jenkins asked.

"We were not exactly friends but we had come to have an understanding." Jimmy replied.

"OK. Now I understand that your wife Breena is suffering from a terminal illness. Was there a sum of money that would have gone to you in the event of both Edward and Breena?" Officer Jenkins asked.

"No sir any of Ed's money would go to a trust fund for my daughter." Jimmy replied.

"Now Ed did leave a suicide note. Had he shown any signs that he was going to commit suicide or said anything to you about ending it all?" Officer Jenkins asked.

"He was depressed about Breena being terminal but he never made any indication that he was going to kill himself. He went up to my room to take a nap. I have been sleeping downstairs with my wife. I went upstairs to check on my daughter and soon discovered Ed's body." Jimmy explained.

"Was there anyone who may have wanted Ed out of the picture? An ex wife or business rival? Possibly the person who would have inherited his position?" Officer Jenkins asked.

"No sir" Jimmy replied.

"Alright well this is coming together to be a suicide. You are free to go but I advise you not to leave town in case you are needed again." Officer Jenkins explained.

"I am not going anywhere." Jimmy assured.

"Before you go. Don't go stealing anymore taxidermy opossums." Officer Jenkins called.

"Hahaha" Jimmy laughed.

* * *

Once Tali was at least feigning to be asleep. Tony closed the door to her room and made his way down to the living room. He picked an old photo-album off the shelf and flipped through it. It was mostly family photos. His parents wedding photos and a few pictures from vacations they took. There was his mother's maternity shoot and his newborn pictures. From there it transformed into family pictures and a few stereotypical images of baby him covered in cake. Then a third of the way through the pictures just stopped. That was how it was with all of his childhood photo-albums. The pictures stopped when his mom got sick. She was the one who cared. Senior only wanted expensive shoots in tacky gold frames. The last picture was of him and her when she was sick. She was gaunt and frail. He was scared to death. That was Breena now and he knew that Jimmy was sharing his fear.

"Sometimes life just sucks." Tony remarked gulping down a large swig of his beer, my God he was turning into Gibbs.

* * *

Jimmy returned home and fell down onto the couch beside Breena's bed. She remained unconscious just as he expected. As the rhythmic hiss of her oxygen machine lulled him to sleep. He wondered how he would explain Ed's death to her. Should she ever wake up aware again.

* * *

 **A/N: At least Jimmy was cleared quickly. While there was no evidence of Jimmy murdering Ed procedure is procedure. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	10. It All Comes Down To This

As expected Jimmy was completely cleared of any charges in Ed's death. There was enough evidence that he was suicidal but nothing to prove that Jimmy had ignored his cries for help. For the most part Ed's family was understanding. Apparently he had been suicidal in the wake of the death of his wife and daughters. A fact Jimmy wished he had known sooner. Even though he knew there was nothing he could do. Jimmy still carried a great deal of guilt over Ed's death. He felt as if he had failed Breena, when he could not save Ed. Ed was gone now and Breena grew worse by the day. All the while Tori searched for her grandfather and mother, and feared the monster who lie in the living room. He felt as if his life was going to hell. He had the support of the team and that was a huge comfort. It really was. Unfortunately the team seemed to be distracted over some personal thing. They were constantly complaining about "the jerk" and telling Jimmy he was lucky that "That entitled brat was not around to make things worse." He figured it was just some rich kid somehow connected to a case and wondered why he was getting to everybody so intensely. He also wished they would stop whining so much about whoever it was. He knew that everybody was entitled to vent about their problems and that Breena's cancer actually wasn't the only bad thing in the world. Still he really wished they would gain some perspective or at least tell him why they were so angry at this person.

* * *

Tony rubbed his temples with his thumbs and let out a soft groan. The newspaper was spread out on the table before him. It came as a relief that it was a teacher's meeting day and all the school's were on a half day schedule. His job had let out just after eleven and the elementary schools did not open until noon. Marcy had opted just to keep her three home rather than get the two middle children off just in time for the oldest and the baby to get home. Since everybody was home she had decided to take her children to the zoo and a children's museum and she had offered to bring Tali along. Tali was only five months younger than Marcy's youngest and Tony knew that she needed friends her own age. She had always been extremely close to Victoria Palmer but given the circumstances play-dates were hard to schedule. Things would be even worse now that Ed was gone. The team were no longer speaking to him. So he had been forced to learn of Ed's death through the newspaper. He was extremely concerned for Jimmy but had reservations about reaching out. The team was still taking shifts with Jimmy in the evenings and the last thing he needed was to deal with that. Gibbs and Delilah were the only ones who had sympathy and neither were around this week. Gibbs had gone with Fornell to some event at Emily's boarding school and Delilah was back home visiting her father who had just had surgery. He hated that things were so tense he couldn't even speak with Jimmy on the phone. Especially since Jimmy wasn't even mad at him. It was all the team vilifying him for being afraid. He really could not handle being around Breena but he could help Jimmy out. He would have been more than willing to take Tori for a few hours or make grocery runs, but now he was afraid to even give his friend a call. He knew that he needed to man up and just tell them what had happened. Of course that was far easier said than done. Almost on cue his phone rang. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw that it was only Gibbs calling him.

"DiNozzo"

"What can I do for you, Gibbs?"

"Did ya hear about Ed?"

"Yeah, shame isn't it?"

"Terrible"

"You going to get back for the funeral? It's tomorrow at four."

"Emily's got a long weekend coming up. I gave her my ticket and she is going to come home with Tobias, Friday and I am going to fly back tonight."

"OK. Any idea how Jimmy is holding up?"

"I haven't had the chance to speak with him but Ducky told me he was pretty shaken up."

"Do you think they will let me be at the funeral?"

"Jimmy and Ed's family are the only ones who are allowed to make that call."

"They are just resent me so much. I try to reason and they are refusing to hear me out."

"It may help if you took a shift with Breena."

"I can't"

"Well why not? If you are worried about Tali I can look after her for a few hours. It's no trouble at all."

"It's not Tali. At least not entirely."

"Is it because you there when Breena went down?"

"Sort of uh you've read my file right?"

"Of course I have. What does that have to do with this?"

"They put medical and familial records in there and my mom."

"She had the same cancer as Breena didn't she?"

"Almost identical"

"It's just too much isn't it?"

"That day I mean it was exactly the same as with my mom."

"Talk to me about it."

"She had been having headaches for a while but Senior kept saying that it was just her trying to get attention. Any doctor she saw either called her crazy or told her it was just hormones. We were at the movie house. They had a kid's day and there were all these booths around. She started to feel bad but I was just a kid and didn't understand. I made her stay. We were getting popcorn and she just went down. She had a seizure. I remember kicking her and begging her to get up. Some carny's drug me away and security moved her. They took her away in an ambulance. Senior was God only knows where on business. It was a week before he cared to show up. Some of the uh well my caretakers would go and see her but they wouldn't tell me anything. It was a few years before I even knew that they were going to the hospital. I thought she was already dead. Once he knew it was Cancer Senior put her through this really aggressive treatment even though the doctors knew it wouldn't do anything but make her more weak. I saw her twice before she died. The first time she was screaming in pain and had no idea who anyone was. The second time she couldn't even raise her arms and she kept telling me to pull the plug. I had no idea what that meant but I knew that it was bad. I said no and she called me a bastard. The last time I saw her she was doing great and I was sure she would get better. She didn't she died that night and again it was days before I saw Senior. Anytime I hear about somebody having a brain-tumor it all comes back. Breena really unnerved me. I am not sleeping right and I can barely get through the days anymore."

"Tony nobody expects you to do something that is just going to hurt you."

"They won't care. They will argue that is good for me."

"Well being uncaring to you is going to be bad for them."

"I am sure that Jimmy is pissed too. You can't attack him."

"Does Jimmy know about your mom?"

"Yes"

"Well then I am sure he understands your grief and doesn't want you to push your self."

"They are right though. I am a bastard. She was sick and I wouldn't let her leave. It's my fault that she died so young. I probably screwed up with Breena too."

"Tony you were eight years old and even if you had let her leave and insisted she go to the hospital it would have been too late."

* * *

The sound of the heart monitor beeping caught Jimmy's breath. Breena had spiked a high fever, one of her eyes had bulged out, and too top it off she was violently coughing up blood. He had been forced to have her rushed to the hospital. Even though he knew exactly what they would say. Sure enough the tumors were growing again. In this visit they had learned that her kidneys had totally shut down and her heart and liver were in rapid decline. She had suffered with a half hour long seizure and they had found that she had suffered a massive stroke at some point. Her body could no longer tolerate feeds or any extreme measures. All they could do for her was manage pain and do their best to keep her comfortable. It was going to happen at any time now but the longest the doctors would give her was seventy-two hours. The minister had come and said prayers over her for a peaceful transition. Jimmy had called her family down in Florida, her friends, and his surrogate family. Emergency plane tickets were being purchased and Jimmy had changed Ed's funeral plans. The burial would still be taking place that afternoon but his body was being laid to rest in Florida. Where his family was buried and Breena would be joining him before too long. The service in DC would be combined with Breena's after she passed and the funeral in Florida would take place soon after. It was all too much and in that moment Jimmy wished that he could be anybody else but himself.

* * *

The hospital was the last place in the world that Tony wanted to be but Breena was at the end and Jimmy was totally flipped out. Due to her condition Breena was only permitted one visitor at a time. Until they said that "it" would happen in a matter of minutes. Naturally Jimmy was spending as much time as possible with her. That left Tony and the others out in the waiting room. It wasn't long before he grew sick of the angry glares and cruel whispers. He found himself wandering aimlessly around the hospital's special hospice ward. He found himself outside of a room with the name "Z David" printed outside the door.

"No it can't be." Tony told himself.

* * *

Curiosity got the best of him and he ended up opening the door. The woman who occupied the bed was not the ninja he had loved and who had carried his child. Sure enough it was Ziva but she was not how he remembered her. She was skin and bones, her face was sunken, and her skin was a ghostly pale. She still had her hair but it was stiff and like her skin void of most of it's color. When the door opened she had opened her eyes. They were dull and she could only lift her eyelids halfway. An elderly woman who shared Ziva's Israeli features sat in an armchair beside the bed.

"She can't speak. Hasn't been able to for about six months now." The woman spoke.

"What's wrong with her?" Tony asked.

"It's a degenerative disorder. She was diagnosed after that accident you guys were in after her father died, Tony." The woman explained.

"How do you know me?" Tony asked.

"I am Ziva's, Aunt Nettie." Nettie replied.

"She I mean why didn't she tell me? The fire? How? I mean really." Tony rambled.

"She was in denial and the pregnancy made it even worse. First thing this illness takes in most cases is fertility. She kept saying it was a mistake but it got really bad after she delivered. She lasted a lot longer than they said she would but it was not good time." Nettie explained.

"The fire? They said she died." Tony spat out.

"She was in the hospital that night. That was when we were told it was in end stage. She could use adaptive technology at the time and her last request was to come here to die." Nettie explained.

"Does she know where, Tali is?" Tony asked.

She doesn't know about the fire. Just that Tali is with family." Nettie explained.

"Why didn't she tell me about Tali? I would have raised her and brought Ziva to stay with me at the end. I could have even relocated to Israel." Tony explained.

"The disease Ziva had it is genetic and there is a chance that Tali has it. Ziva was too afraid to get her tested for obvious reasons." Nettie explained.

"What's it called? I can get her checked out." Tony insisted.

"It's a fairly new disorder. At least the name is new. The doctor who treated her said that most cases are misdiagnosed as either ALS or Huntington's. It's more common in Israel than it is here. She is only the third recorded case in America and there are only about ten in Israel. Ziva was lucky enough to be in the care of one of specialists. Her doctor in Israel was the first to discover it and hers in America was the one to finally give it a name. Like I said it's rare. Which makes it all the more astonishing that Ziva knew somebody with the disorder. The namesake actually. He likened it to simultaneously winning the lottery and being struck by lighting. Oh I am sorry for rambling. I am just having a hard time and it's nice to see somebody she knew. I should have called but I just can't. It was too much." Nettie rambled.

"I understand" Tony assured.

"It was your boss Jenny who had the disease." Nettie replied.

"I have to go." Tony whispered, he needed to get out of that room and fast.

* * *

Tony let the door close behind him. He was beyond shell shocked. This was why Jenny had set up her death and it killed him that Ziva had to suffer the same fate. That Tali may end up in the same situation one day. All this on top of Breena being at the end and the team's treatment of him. He wished that it were him in Ziva or Breena's place. His world was crashing down and unlike Jimmy there was no sympathy for as worthless brat like him.

"What's wrong, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"Gibbs what are you doing here? So soon?" Tony asked.

"I commissioned a private jet. When I got the news." Gibbs replied.

"How?" Tony asked.

"Bill Gates owed me a favor. I can't talk about it. Now what's going on with you?" Tony asked.

"Ziva's dying. From Sheppard's Syndrome." Tony replied.

"Shit!" Gibbs cursed slamming his fist into the wall, not caring about how Ziva had survived the fire or any other details.

* * *

 **A/N: Super long chapter but there was a lot to cover. Sorry for the bomb about Ziva but it is all part of the story. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	11. Not Exactly Ideal

Leaving Breena's side left him wracked with guilt but Jimmy was in desperate need of air. He had not left his wife's side since she had been brought into her room. Even when the team had come in to be with her. He had stood outside the door and stared blankly into space. He wanted to be with his baby girl, holding her close to his chest and smelling her soft blonde hair. Jimmy found himself wandering aimlessly around the hallways. Even after reading the signs he had no idea where any exits or elevators were. He rounded the corner and spotted Tony leaning against one of the walls, his head hung low, his arms were crossed over his chest, and tears were pouring down his cheeks. Just as Jimmy came to a stop Gibbs stepped out of one of the room. A shell shocked look was etched on his face.

"What's wrong?" Jimmy asked.

"Zi sh Zi." Tony mumbled.

"Ziver is dying." Gibbs replied.

"I thought she was already dead." Jimmy remarked.

"So did we but then Tony was wandering around and saw the name "Z David" on the door. Curiosity got the best of him and he went inside. Ziva came back here to die. She was in the hospital the night of the fire. That is why she had the go bag packed for Tali and everything." Gibbs explained.

"What's wrong? Maybe she will prove them wrong." Jimmy questioned.

"She has Shepard's Syndrome and it's already taken everything from her. It's just a matter of her heart giving out." Gibbs explained.

"Oh Tony" Jimmy whispered, pulling his friend into a tight hug.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry." Tony sobbed.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Jimmy asked.

"I am taking attention away from you and Breena. I shouldn't have said anything." Tony explained.

"No Tony. You are not taking attention away from Breena. I would rather know about Ziva now than when it is too late. I am going to want to say goodbye to her as well and I am sure the rest of the team will too." Jimmy explained.

"She doesn't even look the same anymore. She looks like a deflated Ziva doll. It's horrifying." Tony explained.

"That's rough" Jimmy replied.

"Hows Breena doing?" Tony asked.

"She's really bad. I shouldn't have left but I just needed some air." Jimmy replied.

"You go get some fresh air. I will stay with her." Tony offered.

"Are you sure? I mean I know why this is hard for you." Jimmy questioned.

"No Jimmy it is fine. This is not easy for me but after Ziva. I think I can handle it." Tony replied.

"Alright" Jimmy replied.

* * *

Jimmy found himself standing in the waiting room. The elevator was right there. He was just a few steps away from being outside for the first time in hours. It was late now and he was shocked to see that none of the team had gone home.

"Jimmy what are you doing out here?" McGee asked.

"How is Breena?" Bishop asked.

"Oh no did she die? Oh Jimmy I am so sorry!" Abby cried.

"Quieter and worded better next time Abigail, my dear. Is there news or are you just taking a break for a moment?" Ducky questioned.

"Breena is about the same. I just needed some air." Jimmy replied.

"Do you need one of us to go sit with her?" McGee offered.

"Tony is with her." Jimmy replied.

"Tony? So he cares all of the sudden?" Bishop cried.

"Typical" McGee scoffed.

"What is the nurse hot or something? I mean why else would he care?" Abby cried.

"At least Anthony had a change of heart. Even if it is far too late." Ducky replied.

"Enough! OK ENOUGH!" Jimmy cried.

"Is something wrong?" Ducky asked.

"Yes! You are wrong! All of you are wrong!" Jimmy cried.

"What do you mean?" Abby asked.

"You are assuming that Tony doesn't care about Breena! When fact is he does care! He cares very deeply!" Jimmy cried.

"Well he hasn't visited her or helped you." Bishop remarked.

"He hasn't visited Breena, because being around her is extremely hard on him. Almost impossible in fact." Jimmy explained.

"And it's easy on us?" McGee demanded.

"I know it's hard on everybody but this is especially rough on Tony." Jimmy explained.

"Why?" Bishop asked.

"Tony's mom died from the same type of cancer. Watching Breena suffer with it would be too hard on him. The incident with his mom has haunted him his entire life. It's almost like PTSD with him and I am not misusing the term." Jimmy explained.

"That is so not true! Tony has had years to get help! He just doesn't care!" Bishop cried.

"Exactly I mean we have not heard about this until now!" Abby cried.

"He's just using that as an excuse!" McGee added.

"This is something that I would have known." Ducky remarked.

"Stop! Enough of all this! Stop! OK?! My wife is dying! I have no idea what I am supposed to do from here! I am glad you guys have helped but you have not been there for me! You sit with Breena for a few hours every day and complain about Tony! Tony called me every day until you guys started attacking him!" Jimmy cried.

"Jimmy" Abby called.

"No! I can't take this anymore! I cannot take the drama and bullshit! My wife is dying! Stop dragging your drama into it!" Jimmy cried.

"Jimmy, Ziver took a bad turn. I am going to go sit with Breena so he can be with her." Gibbs said.

"Ziva? What do you mean Ziva?!" Abby demanded.

"Ziva is here. She is dying. She was in the hospital that night. It's Shepard's." Gibbs summarized.

"How convenient" Abby remarked.

"Like Tony didn't know about this." Bishop scoffed.

"He probably abandoned her too." McGee added.

"Guys this is not the time. Anthony would never treat Ziva that way. He may not have had the most respect for Breena but he truly does love Ziva." Ducky explained.

* * *

Tony did not come to Ziva's room alone. He came with the hospital's chaplain and he carried the ring he had been planning to give her that night in Israel. This was far from ideal. Nobody wanted to be married and widowed in a matter of hours or even minutes, but what choice did he have ? He had wanted to be married to her for so long and he was not going to pass up the opportunity. He had not told Jimmy, Gibbs, or anybody. He knew they would just try to talk him out of it. He had to admit it was a pretty stupid idea but unlike most stupid ideas. This one had an actual purpose.

"Ziva David, you are everything to me. This is not ideal for anybody but I cannot live if I don't do this right here and now. I have the ring I bought you and I am going to marry you. Right here and now. I want to at least say we are married. The chaplain is here and we are just going to do it right now. I would rather have a marriage to you that lasted hours than anyone else that lasts for years. I know, I know. That sounds like something right out of one of my movies but it's true." Tony explained.

"Are you ready?" The chaplain asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"Do you Ziva David take Tony DiNozzo to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" The chaplain asked.

"She does" Tony replied.

"And do you Tony DiNozzo take Ziva David to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" The chaplain asked.

"I do" Tony replied.

* * *

 **A/N: The proposal was loosely based on Deeks' proposal to Kensi in NCIS LA. Sorry about the spoiler but you should watch anyway if you haven't it was amazing. Seriously Kensi had better be OK or I will be beyond pissed. Anyway back to my story. Just a warning the next chapter will be extremely soul crushing. So be prepared. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	12. Time Of Death

**TISSUE WARNING!**

* * *

It had become apparent that the team was not going to change their feelings about Tony. The first indication was Jimmy's blatant annoyance as he returned to Breena's room. The second clue came when Jethro reentered the waiting room and heard the team loudly complaining about Ducky. He knew that Tony had a tendency to be on the selfish side but he would never blow off a member of his family in a time of great crisis. Somehow the Ziva thing irked him more than anything with Breena. Tony had done a lot of crazy things in the past to get attention but he would never pull a stunt like this. Tony adored that woman and would never even think about even joking about her demise. Only a sick monster would make up having a terminally ill loved one. In a fit of pure rage he stomped his feet and flung his arms up in the air. The sound that came from his mouth fell somewhere between a scream, a grunt, and the cry of a movie monster.

"Are you OK, boss?" McGee asked.

"No! No I am not!" Jethro snapped.

"What's wrong?" Abby questioned, voice filled with concern.

"You! You guys are my problem!" Jethro cried.

"What are we doing wrong? We have been there for Jimmy and Breena." Bishop commented.

"You are sitting in the waiting room gossiping!" Jethro cried.

"He didn't want us in there!" Bishop argued.

"That may be but he was just in here and instead of comforting him you were attacking Tony and sent him into a rage." Jethro explained.

"Tony just shows up at the last minute after weeks of not caring. To make it even worse he is now claiming that Ziva is dying. We all know she died in a fire." McGee retorted.

"You McGee are the last person who should accuse poor Tony of being uncaring and compassionate. Remember all the nights he stayed with you at the hospital after Delilah was paralyzed? Remember that while he was still working he cooked for you, cleaned for you, and took care of Jethro." Jethro explained.

"Well if he can be here for me than why is he not here for Jimmy?" McGee asked.

"Because Tony's mother was never paralyzed in a terrorist attack. What did happen to her is that she died of brain cancer." Jethro explained.

"He should suck it up." Bishop scoffed.

"Did you suck it up when your cousin found out that her husband was cheating on her?" Jethro asked.

"No but that was just three months after Jake and I separated. Tony's mom died when he was eight. Shouldn't he have had time to move on?" Bishop questioned.

"Tony was in the room when his mom died. He watched the entire ordeal. Breena collapsed in front of him. In exactly the same way his mom did. Breena's illness is playing out almost exactly like his mother's. If you cared at all you would know that." Jethro explained.

"What about Ziva?" Abby demanded.

"Why the hell would Tony make something like that up?" Jethro demanded.

"The focus is not on him. He was the center of attention all summer because of Tali. Well now that has changed so of course Ziva comes back and is dying." Abby explained.

"Come with me! All of you! Just come with me now!" Jethro demanded.

* * *

The team reluctantly stood and followed Jethro down the long hallway. He stopped in front of one of the doors and turned the handle down. The door swung open and immediately a chorus of gasps escaped the mouths of the team members. The faint shell of Ziva lie on the bed incapable of moving and dwarfed by only a couple of tubes and wires. Tony was curled up beside Ziva on the bed, his face buried in her painfully thin arm.

"Now do you believe me?" Gibbs demanded.

"Yes sir" Bishop replied.

"Yes" Abby agreed.

"It's hard not to." McGee sighed.

"Go back to the waiting room. I will see if Tony and Nettie want you guys in here." Gibbs replied.

* * *

It had become painfully clear that the end of Breena's life was extremely near. Jimmy had tried to deny it but there was no use hiding from the truth. It was obvious by her weak and erratic heart-rate and the solemn looks he received when the doctors and nurses breezed in and out of her room far too often. Jimmy had no idea how he would handle it when the end finally came. How he would cope as a widower and single father? How he would continue to work on the dead. Would he be able to separate personal from professional or would every young woman be Breena, every middle aged man being Ed? Would his life be bearable or would he become so broken he couldn't even tend to Tori's needs? All questions he would have to answer far, far sooner than any human should have to.

* * *

The team had come and gone whispering brief yet meaningful goodbyes to Ziva. As the once powerful woman's condition continued to deteriorate. It had become too much for Nettie and the Israeli woman had gone to Tony's home to be with her great niece. Leaving Tony alone in Ziva's room. Waiting and praying for the end. Not wanting her to die but already tired of watching her suffer. He wondered how Nettie had handled this for the past two years. How she had seen Ziva go from well Ziva to a powerless vegetable.

* * *

Hours passed and one day rolled into the next. It was the darkest part of the night. When the moon was already beginning to fall but the sunrise was still a long way off. On that night sleep refused to come to Jimmy. He wasn't even tired but he wasn't wired. He was merely existing. He sat up by Breena's side just waiting for the inevitable. Jimmy had just looked up at the analogue clock that hung on the wall. The little hand sat on the three and the big lay somewhere between the seven and eight. Putting the time at around, three thirty seven in the morning. Breena's right eye popped open, she lightly squeezed Jimmy's hand, and then the convulsions started. Her body finally rested at three forty in the morning after an aggressive two and a half minute long seizure. Before the relief could come to Jimmy the heart monitor screamed. Seconds later a nurse and doctor came into the room. The DNR had been signed after the second time Breena had been revived that day. When it became clear that nothing could be done and Breena would never be Breena again. Jimmy had signed the dreaded paper, remembering the wishes Breena had disclosed to him shortly after they were married.

"Time of death three forty am!" The doctor called out.

* * *

The sound of the flat-lining heart-monitor sent a chill down Tony's spine. A code-blue had not been announced but Tony did not need a room number to know who the coding patient was. He also knew that by the lack of announcement that a DNR had been signed. Knowing that Breena was gone made Tony tighten his grip on Ziva's fragile body. The end was far less dramatic for Ziva than it had been for Breena. She did not open her eyes or show any sign to Tony that she was still in her body. Simply because she could not. Her heart rate and breathing suddenly became erratic and just as quickly plummeted until the machines were screaming. Again Tony tightened his grip on Ziva's body. Like with Breena a DNR had been signed and a doctor came in only to shut off the heart-monitor and call the time of death.

"Time of death three forty five am!" The doctor called, not even five minutes after he had called Breena's death.

* * *

By five in the morning the floor had mercifully calmed down. The on call doctor had returned to his sleeping quarters and the nurses had gone back to their duties. Every once in a while a patient would groan in pain or a family member would let out a cry, but for the most part. The only sign of life was two souls who felt as if they would never sleep or feel human again. Jimmy had stroked Breena's hair and again vowed to care for Victoria and never forget her. Before finding himself unable to be around the body any longer. He pressed the call button and declared that he was ready for the body to be taken away.

* * *

Tony on the other hand found it impossible to leave his wife's side. He held Ziva so tightly it was amazing that he did not break her fragile body. He buried his face in her neck and cried his eyes out. Even in death after a years long terminal illness she still smelled amazing. He knew that sound crazy but he did not want to forget her. He got an hour by her side before the time came to take her body down to the morgue. It took seven large men to drag him away from Ziva's body. Somehow he found the strength to break the news to Nettie and then he found himself wandering the halls.

* * *

Lost in a fog of grief Jimmy rounded a corner and his body collided with another. He looked up and saw Tony standing in front of him red faced and shell shocked at the same time. Tony studied Jimmy's face, his eyes were puffy and his glasses were askew. The two men reached out and pulled each into a tight hug.

"Breena went at three forty." Jimmy admitted.

"Sorry man, Ziva left at three forty-five." Tony sobbed.

"Sorry" Jimmy murmured.

* * *

The two widowers crashed to the floor, holding each other in tight hugs. Sobs rocked the bodies of both men as they sat on the floor completely bewildered. Tony took the cheap ring he had purchased at the Walmart a few blocks away and thrust it across the hall. Marrying her had been a foolish decision. Their union had lasted only twelve and a half hours and that's just it. Jimmy twisted his ring around his finger and held that hand close to his chest, he could nearly feel his heart breaking inside of his chest. Tony was screaming now and he knew there was nothing that he could do.

"Wh... What do we do now?" Tony asked.

"I don't know man but I will be by your side through it all." Jimmy vowed.

"We can only survive having each others sixes." Tony commented.

* * *

 **A/N: Brutal I know. How will Jimmy and Tony survive as widowers and single fathers? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	13. Arrangements

Morning arrived and, found Jimmy and Tony still at the hospital. Jimmy did not want to go home and Tony did not want to leave Jimmy alone. The team had been called but only Ducky and Jimmy had made the trip to the hospital. It wasn't that the others didn't care. Ducky and Gibbs just felt it best to have as few people at the hospital as possible. The group sat in the waiting room. Jimmy was sobbing into Ducky's chest and Tony sat besides Gibbs totally bewildered.

"Breena!" Jimmy cried out.

"I know Mr. Palmer." Ducky replied.

"This sucks. It just sucks." Tony commented.

"I know" Gibbs replied, fogged by his own grief.

* * *

Sensing his protege's pain and apprehension about returning to his home. Ducky brought Jimmy and Victoria back to his brownstone. He already had a crib set up for Victoria and it was just a matter of getting the bed made for Jimmy. There really weren't many people for Jimmy to call. He called Ed's sister down in Florida and she agreed to call the family. Then he just had to make the call to Breena's closest friends. From there he made a post on Breena's Facebook page. During the course of her illness and Ed's death. Jimmy had been far to distraught to set up a special page to chronically Breena's illness. Instead he merely posted updates to Breena's page and shared them to his own. His phone had been vibrating pretty much constantly since he had made the post. Eventually he turned his phone off, powered down the laptop, and shoved everything into the bottom drawer.

"Mr. Palmer, Breena's cousin is on the phone. She would like to know if you have made any arrangements yet." Ducky explained, stepping into the room.

"Not yet" Jimmy murmured.

"You should probably start planning." Ducky replied.

"FINE! I will set things up for here tonight and then get started on the Florida preparations tomorrow! Because gee that's what I always wanted to do! Plan the funeral of the only woman I will ever love! Hey maybe I can start planning Tori's funeral too! Because hey it would be just perfect if she ended up dying too!" Jimmy snapped, waving his arms and kicking at the air.

"Mr. Palmer" Ducky called.

"Don't Mr. Palmer me! I want Breena! I just want Breena!" Jimmy screamed.

"I know" Ducky replied.

"Bring her back! Come on Ducky! I know you can! Please just bring her back! Bring her back! I know that you can. Just bring her back." Jimmy pleaded.

"If I could, I would." Ducky replied.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to die this young. Tori is just a baby. We didn't even get five years of marriage. Why did it have to be her? How many murderers and rapists live to near a hundred. Yet Breena didn't even get thirty years. Even worse it was brain cancer. The disease just ravaged her body and destroyed her. Even Adolph Hitler did not deserve to suffer the way that Breena did." Jimmy rambled.

"So many age old questions that man would collectively give their dominate arms to have the answer to." Ducky replied.

"I'll never hear her say I love you again. I will never come in and hear her singing Tori to sleep again. I will never see her smile again. It's not fair." Jimmy sobbed.

"It is not the same but you will always be able to carry her in your heart." Ducky assured.

"What about Tori?" Jimmy asked.

"She will hear stories." Ducky replied.

"Yeah but she can't make a mother's day card for stories. She can't invite stories to mother daughter days at school. She should not have lost her mother when she wasn't even two. Breena was so excited to have a girl. Then to die this young. It's not right." Jimmy argued.

"While Breena is irreplaceable young Victoria has a long list of woman more than willing to step up and stand in for Breena. It was not long but Breena did get to be a mother to Victoria for almost two years. That is more than some mothers and daughters get. That is longer than some mothers give their daughters." Ducky explained.

"You'll make sure we don't forget her?" Jimmy asked.

"As long as there is life in my body." Ducky vowed.

* * *

Tony's house did not hold the painful memories that Jimmy's did. Still Gibbs did not want the younger man to be alone. He had invited Tony, Tali, and Nettie to stay in his home. When it came to planning Ziva's services and informing her loved ones, Tony and Nettie had divided up the task. Tony told Ziva's friends in America and Nettie informed the ones back in Israel. When she decided that she wanted to return to America. Ziva had, had a living funeral at her home in Tel-Aviv for those in Israel. Now it was time to plan the service in America. Ziva would be buried that evening at six o'clock in a private service for just family. They would sit in Shiva for a week and during that week they would hold a public memorial for her. Plans had been set in motion and Tony was trying to put off getting ready for the burial. He sat on the landing of Gibbs' basement steps.

"How you holding up?" Gibbs asked.

"I miss her. More than I did the first time. When the fire happened there was hope that she was alive. Now I know she is gone. I watched her die. Part of me still wants to believe that she is alive. That this is a mistake or a nightmare. That she will come back again. Alive and well, and we will get a lifetime together, but I watched her die. I held her as she breathed her last breath." Tony explained.

"I still wait for Shannon to come back. I wasn't there when she took her last breath but I saw her body. I held her cold hand in mine." Gibbs explained.

"At least you only lost Shannon once!" Tony cried, jumping up, and racing up the basement steps.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and Jimmy make some bad decisions following Ziva's burial in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	14. Crumbling

With only half an hour to go until Ziva's burial. Tony did not have many options when it came to running away. He ended up getting Tali dressed and carrying her down to his car. He scribbled down a note asking, Gibbs to take Nettie to the service. He studied Tali through the mirror in front of her car-seat. She looked so beautiful in the blue dress with little golden stars scattered over the skirt. He remembered when she picked out the fabric for that dress. She said that it reminded her of Ima's necklace. That girl was so much like her Ima, it caused a catch in his throat. He wanted to lose his mind but he had to be strong for his daughter during this confusing time.

"Where we going?" Tali asked, the question Tony had been dreading.

"We are going to say goodbye to your Ima." Tony replied.

"Back to Israel?" Tali asked.

"No we are going to the temple and cemetery here in town. We are going to your Ima's funeral." Tony explained.

"Again?" Tali asked.

"Yes Tali. It is a long story and I have no idea how to explain it to you but we have to say goodbye to her again. She will be buried here in America but we will still have her tree in Israel." Tony explained.

"I want Ima to hold me again." Tali said.

"Me too baby girl and I bet that she wanted the same thing." Tony replied.

* * *

Knowing that he needed to support Tony was the only reason Jimmy, was attending Ziva's burial service. If it weren't for that he would have just crawled under the sheets and not come out until he absolutely had to. Of course that was his only plan for after the service. He knew that he needed to tend to Tori but Ducky was looking after her. The way he saw it. He could just crawl into a hole and die. Ducky could raise Tori and he could be reunited with Tori. It's not like she would be devastated. She would miss her parents for a while but it wouldn't be long before she forgot them. It's not like he was ever going to be the father he had once been anyway. He was different in every other aspect of his life anyway. Nothing could ever be the same with his Breena gone.

"We need to be at the temple in half an hour. Are you sure that you are up to go?" Ducky asked.

"As I'll ever be." Jimmy replied.

"Anthony will understand if you do not attend." Ducky reminded.

"No I need to. Tony was so great with me through everything. This is the least I can do." Jimmy explained.

"Anthony does not expect anything out of you. All he wants for you. Is for you to cope with Breena's death as best you can." Ducky explained.

"I just want to be there for my friend and say goodbye to my other friend. God why did Ziva have to leave too? I am so sick of death and losing people." Jimmy sobbed.

"Aren't we all." Ducky replied.

"You go to Ziva's burial. I cannot handle it. I will try to make the memorial service we have in a few days, but I just can't today." Jimmy explained.

"Can you handle being alone?" Ducky asked.

"Yes but I don't think I can handle Victoria." Jimmy replied.

"I will take her. You just worry about yourself." Ducky replied, patting Jimmy's knee.

* * *

There was a short prayer service at Quantico Temple, before the burial at Grace Cemetery. After the burial Tony held Tali with one arm and received the mourners with the other. At Tony's request, Gibbs stood beside Nettie and him. The retired Marine held a stoic face, while Tony wore his emotions on his sleeve. Saying goodbye to Ziva had been harder than he had thought. Especially after Tali began to cry for her Ima. At only two she did not yet understand that Ziva was gone forever. Having to attend a second funeral and hear people say they were sorry. Was bound to make the child even more confused. While Tony and Gibbs shook hands with the receiving line. She happily played with the teddy bear that Abby had brought for her. Her innocence both eased Tony's spirit and shattered his heart. Clouds covered the moon, as the last mourners came through the line. Rain drops were hitting Tony's his head and that was it for holding back tears. His body shook and his eyes stung as he sobbed heavily into Tali's soft black hair.

"Ducky and Tori are the last ones. We can either go right away or you can take time for a few final goodbyes." Gibbs explained, as he patted Tony's shoulder.

"I need a private goodbye. Can you take Tali?" Tony asked.

"I have the car-seat in my truck. If you want me to take her home." Gibbs offered.

"That might be best." Tony replied.

* * *

"Terribly sorry for your loss, Anthony." Ducky said extending his hand.

"Thank you Ducky." Tony replied.

"I am also sorry that Mr. Palmer could not make it. He wanted to come. He really did but everything was just too much for him." Ducky explained.

"That is fine. I more than understand. Give him my best." Tony replied.

"Of course." Ducky vowed, wiping away a tear.

* * *

The soul crushing country song that blasted over the jukebox and Jimmy's miserable mood. Made the bar seem like a backdrop in a depressing movie. Jimmy would kill for this all to simply be a sad movie and to be able to come home to Breena. Being a diabetic he wasn't really supposed to be drinking excessively. Yet here he sat, pounding beers and trying his best to at least temporarily forget his pain. He pounded yet another pitcher and slammed the glass down hard on the bar. He had long since lost count of how many he'd drank.

"Hit me!" Jimmy slurred.

"Sorry sir, you've had enough. I have to cut you off." The bar tender replied.

"I said hit me!" Jimmy demanded, punching the table and losing his balance in the process. He stumbled backward and fell into the woman behind him.

"Hey!" The woman cried.

"Watch out!" Jimmy snapped.

"You slammed into her. You need to settle down." A man standing beside the woman.

"Oh you just think that you have it all! You have a woman! Some of us are alone!" Jimmy snapped.

"She's my sister sir and I don't appreciate you ruining her twenty-first birthday." The man explained.

"Oh just wonderful! A celebration! So glad some people's lives aren't shit!" Jimmy screamed lunging at the woman.

"Whatever is going on with you. It can't be bad enough to attack a woman." The man explained.

"FUCK YOU!" Jimmy snapped jumping on the man's back.

"Hey get off of me!" The man cried, shoving Jimmy off.

"Fuck you!" Jimmy screamed, punching the man in the back.

"That's it!" The man shouted, punching Jimmy in the chest and sending him to the ground.

* * *

 **A/N: How will Jimmy come out of his bar fight? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	15. Fight

The brownstone was empty and pitch black, when he arrived home from Ziva's burial. Instantly a knot formed in the old man's stomach and he knew right away that he should have never have left Jimmy alone. Mr. Palmer was in no condition to be left on his own. Even a quick trip to the market was too long, and he had left him alone for hours. He quietly climbed out of the Morgan, withdrew Victoria from her car-seat, and made his way into the house. It was not long before he found a note stuck to the fridge under his "Lochness" magnet. The knot in his stomach grew and tightened as he read the note. That Mr. Palmer had left for him.

" _Ducky,_

 _I am just letting you know that out to grab a couple of drinks. I will be home soon and no I will not call a cab. I am sorry if I bring pain to another family, but at this point I don't care if I live or die. Don't lecture me. My life is pure shit. I miss Breena and I hate God for taking her._

 _Jimmy._

* * *

Ducky placed Tori in her playpen and dialed Jimmy's number. His heart sank when he heard his assistant's phone ringing from the next room. With no cellphone, Ducky could not even track Mr. Palmer's movements and that was no accident. Jimmy hadn't said which bar was going to or given any indication of how long he would be gone. All he could do was wait and pray that his friend would return home safely. He was giving Tori a bath when he heard his phone ringing. He rinsed the girl off, yanked her out of the tub, rinsed her off, and raced to the other room. The phone had been ringing for ten solid minutes now. He did not recognize the number but knew instantly that he was about to receive terrible news about Mr. Palmer.

"Hello?"

"Am I speaking with a Donald Mallard?"

"This is him."

"This is Donna Williams from Georgetown hospital. I have you listed as an emergency contract for a James Palmer."

"What happened?"

"James was knocked unconscious at a local bar."

"Is he alright?"

"He has not yet regained consciousness and we are having a hard time stabilizing his blood-sugar."

"I will be right there."

* * *

Heart racing, Ducky scooped up Victoria, and rushed out to the car. He took the time to make sure the child was safely fastened into her car-seat but from there he did not slow down until he arrived to the hospital. He grabbed the child out of the car and raced inside. His heart felt as if it were about to beat out of his chest. He nearly collided with the desk he was moving so quickly.

"May I help you?" The receptionist asked.

"My friend Jimmy was in an accident." Ducky breathed.

"Name?" The receptionist asked.

"James Palmer" Ducky replied.

"He is in room two-twelve but you cannot bring the baby with you." The receptionist explained.

"Would it be possible for me to leave her out here?" Ducky asked.

"I can keep an eye on her." The receptionist assured.

* * *

Ziva's funeral had left Tony feeling raw and broken inside. Seeing her lowered into the ground made everything so final. There was no hope for a second miracle. He would never see her beautiful face or hold her in his arms again. She was dead and gone, and there were no third chances. He deeply regretted not bringing Tali to the hospital to say goodbye, but he worried that Ziva's state would traumatize the child. Gibbs was getting Tali to sleep and he sat hunched over on the basement steps. He wanted to fall apart but his body was not producing anymore tears. He heard footsteps on the stairs and soon felt Gibbs' hand on his shoulder. He turned around, there was legitimate fear in the older man's eyes.

"Boss?" Tony asked.

"We have to get to the hospital." Gibbs replied.

"Tali? Is Tali alright?" Tony asked.

"Tali is fine. I should have led with that. It's Jimmy." Gibbs replied.

"What happened to Palmer?" Tony asked.

"He was in a bar fight, he's unconscious." Gibbs replied.

"Shit" Tony gasped.

* * *

The flood light that sat outside the window, illuminated Jimmy's pale face. Ducky had his hand wrapped protectively around Jimmy's hand. At the moment Jimmy was stable but there had been some rough moments. He was expected to survive but beyond that Ducky had no idea. Nobody could tell him when Jimmy would wake up and how much damage would be done when he did. He blamed himself for this who incident. He should have never left Jimmy alone. Anthony would have understood if he missed the burial. He heard a soft knock on Jimmy's door frame and looked up to see a nurse leaning in the doorway.

"May I help you?" Ducky asked.

"I am sorry Dr. Mallard but I am going to have to ask you to leave. Mr. Palmer needs his rest." The nurse explained.

"I understand." Ducky sighed.

* * *

Upon entering the waiting room. Ducky was greeted by both Jethro and Anthony. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Tali and Tori playing with a toy in the corner. He made his way over to his friends and semi collapsed into Jethro's arms.

"How is he?" Gibbs asked.

"He has a moderate concussion and possible skull fracture, but the main concern in his blood-sugar levels. They are bouncing around between dangerously low and dangerously high. He has missed his insulin shots for at least today but consumed a great deal of alcohol." Ducky explained.'

"What happened?" Tony asked.

"He was harassing a young woman in a bar. When the woman's brother got involved. Jimmy and him exchanged words for a while and then Mr. Palmer attacked him. The man was acting in self defense and has already contacted the hospital to check on Jimmy." Ducky explained.

"That does not sound like Jimmy." Tony remarked.

"It certainly does not and for that reason I am going to get him into counseling as soon as he regains consciousness and is able to communicate." Ducky explained.

"That's what he needs. I mean I got in a few fights after Shannon died but I have always been a hard headed jackass. Jimmy is the most gentle, non confrontational human being I have ever met." Gibbs explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Gibbs has a talk with Jimmy when he wakes up. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	16. I'll Be There

As the night wore on, Jimmy's condition improved but he remained unconscious. Ducky spent those hours pacing around the waiting room. He knew that it was driving the other occupants insane but his body refused to rest. He was sure that once he fell asleep, something would happen with Jimmy. The nurses had promised him that he could be in the room when Jimmy finally woke up. The last thing he needed was to miss the announcement that his protege was finally coming around. Ever since his heart-attack he had to limit caffeine intake, so the morning hours were rough. He poured himself a small cup of coffee and splashed some water on his face but still struggled to remain awake. It was nine o'clock before visiting hours started up in the Intensive Care Unit, where Jimmy would remain until he showed signs of awareness. Violating doctor's orders. The Medical Examiner poured himself a second, larger cup of coffee and headed into Mr. Palmer's room. The younger man looked vastly better than he had the night before but was still too pale and sickly looking for the doctor's liking.

"Mmmm" Jimmy groaned.

"Mr. Palmer?" Ducky called.

"Breena" Jimmy moaned.

"No, Breena is not here." Ducky replied.

"Breena" Jimmy moaned again.

"I am sorry Mr. Palmer but she is not here." Ducky whispered, voice cracking.

* * *

Jimmy could hear Ducky speaking to him, but it sounded as if he were a million miles away. He soon became aware that he was in the hospital. Having no memory of the past day and a half. He assumed that he had fallen asleep visiting Breena. He called to her but Ducky kept saying that she was not there. He must have dosed off in the waiting room. He opened his eyes and saw the hospital's ceiling tiles. They seemed different than he remembered and something was tugging on his arm. He turned his head and noticed an IV pole sitting beside the bed. That was not that unusual what was unusual was the fact that the IV was in his arm. Confused he surveyed the hospital room. He was in the ICU at Georgetown University Hospital. He saw Ducky standing over him, the door opened and a doctor rushed in. He raised his head to survey the rest of the unit, wondering if Breena was in one of the other rooms.

"Breena?" Jimmy rasped.

"What should I say?" Ducky asked.

"He needs to know the truth." The doctor sighed.

"Where's Breena?" Jimmy asked.

"I am sorry, Mr. Palmer but Breena died early yesterday morning." Ducky apologized.

* * *

In that second everything came back to Jimmy. Watching Breena die in the hospital, falling apart in every moment of that day, the bar fight. He remembered the seconds where he was conscious in the ambulance. He was screaming for Breena and his heart was racing a million miles a minute. He heard one of the paramedics threaten sedation. He didn't know if he had been sedated or if he had just passed out. In either case he knew that he was in trouble. He was totally screwed. He had attacked two people in a bar that was at least an arrest and losing Victoria. He had done it, he had destroyed his family. He was going to be all alone in the world.

"I was in a bar fight." Jimmy called.

"Good you are remembering." Ducky commented.

"Am I going to jail?" Jimmy asked.

"The man and woman you attacked heard your story and decided not to press charges. However you are not getting off scot-free." Ducky explained.

"What do you mean?" Jimmy asked.

"Child Services has temporarily given custody of Victoria to Breena's cousin Mara." Ducky replied.

"How long?" Ducky asked.

"As long as you need but at least until you complete a ninety day out-patient alcohol program. You will be staying with me through this event and I will see to it that you attend every meeting." Ducky explained.

"Treatment program? This is my first offense?" Jimmy replied.

"It is optional but I think it will be the best option for you and it will make it easier for you to regain custody of Victoria." Ducky explained.

"Alright" Jimmy sighed.

* * *

By that afternoon Jimmy had been moved to a regular room. He would remain in the hospital until he held steady sugar levels for twelve hours. With Ducky by his side he had no choice but to remain doctor's orders and he was slowly leveling off. Ducky had gone down to get some lunch and try to get a little rest. Gibbs had come to the spend some time with the younger man. McGee and Delilah had Tori until Mara arrived and they had agreed to check in on Tony as well. Gibbs waited by Jimmy's bed while the younger man rested. After about an hour Jimmy finally woke up, again.

"Gibbs? Where's Ducky?" Jimmy asked.

"He went to get something to eat and try and get some rest." Gibbs explained.

"Oh" Jimmy sighed.

"I know what you are going through kid. All too well." Gibbs replied.

"I fucked up so bad." Jimmy replied.

"I knocked a college kid on his ass for freaking out the responsibility of parenthood. If it weren't for Mike I'd have dealt with a dishonorable discharge." Gibbs admitted.

"What the hell am I going to do?" Jimmy asked.

"You are going to get help. You are going to go to your treatment program and Dr. Cranston has agreed to see you. This will not be easy but you are going to get back on your feet." Gibbs explained.

"How the hell am I supposed to live without her?" Jimmy asked.

"You are lucky because you have Victoria. When I was going through this I was totally alone." Gibbs replied.

"When does it get better? Will I ever feel happy again?" Jimmy asked.

"I never gets better but you do learn to live. As for happiness, you will find happiness again. It could take six months, a year, or a decade but you will feel joy again." Gibbs assured.

"She was so perfect, so amazing." Jimmy recalled.

"She was amazing and she is always by your side." Gibbs assured.

"Why did it have to be her?" Jimmy asked.

"Some questions I cannot answer." Gibbs replied.

"I want to die." Jimmy sighed.

"I am not giving up on you." Gibbs vowed.

* * *

 **A/N: Jimmy is lucky he wasn't charged. There will be more about Tony in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	17. Run Away

Jimmy was released from the hospital the following morning. He had a day to compose himself and rest at home. Before beginning the ninety day treatment program. Breena's cousin had arrived from Florida and taken temporary custody of Victoria. She was staying in the Palmer's home. That way Victoria could be close to her father and the house would be kept up should Jimmy decide to return home.

* * *

Jimmy sat cross legged on Ducky's guest bed. He studied the bottle of sleeping pills he had swiped from the medicine cabinet. He had counted it out no fewer than fifty times in his insomniac state the previous night. According to the label there were two hundred pills in the bottle and Ducky had used up half of them. He thought about how easy it would be just to swallow the entire bottle. All he needed was to be alone. Ducky was checking him every half hour, round the clock. Surely he would be found before he could be free. He had told Gibbs that he would try to fight but there was no fight in him. He had used all of his fight tending to Breena. They had told him three months and she had made it three weeks. That damn tumor had turned out to be four tumors and over a hundred cysts throughout her body. It pissed him off that nobody had caught this in time. How the hell did somebody get a tumor that massive, three smaller tumors, and countless cysts and nobody caught on to it. His wife had suffered and died because of negligence and stupidity. It made him sick to his stomach. He could not take anymore. He grabbed the bottle and began unscrewing the cap. Almost on cue he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. He quickly replaced the cap and shoved it back into the drawer.

"Mr. Palmer it's time to get going." Ducky announced.

"Alright let me just get my shoes on." Jimmy replied.

"How are you feeling?" Ducky asked.

"How do you think!" Jimmy snapped.

"I suppose that was a stupid question." Ducky remarked.

"Yeah it was! It was really fucking stupid!" Jimmy bellowed.

"I am sorry." Ducky replied.

"Yeah you better be!" Jimmy hissed.

"Mr. Palmer?" Ducky questioned.

"Let's go!" Ducky spat.

* * *

The alcohol program was held in a small trailer at a local impatient treatment center. They were in the process of constructing a state of the are addition to hold the outpatient meetings in but for now it was a cramped trailer shoved to the back of the lot. Jimmy signed in on the sheet by the front door and made his way to the meeting area.

"How many days are you sober?" A man asked.

"I am not a drunk. I just made a mistake." Jimmy replied,

"That's how I felt too but the chips actually help a lot." The man offered.

"Three days" Jimmy scoffed.

"Alright well let's get you to ninety, then a year, then five, ten, and beyond." The man replied handing Jimmy a chip.

"With all due respect. If I do drink again it will be for the sole purpose of intentional alcohol poisoning. I don't have any desire to live anymore." Jimmy explained, before tossing the chip down and running from the room.

* * *

While Jimmy was attending his meeting Tony and Gibbs were sitting on Gibbs' couch watching Tali play. About a month ago, Gibbs had found Kelly's old blocks in the attic and brought them down for Tali to play with. Needless to say the small chunks of wood had been a huge hit for the toddler. Tony remembered picking up Tali after an overnight and discovered a massive castle in the living room. It was nice to see that Tali was happy and carefree. Because right now he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was missing Ziva like crazy, Breena was gone, and his best friend wanted to die. Tali's innocence was a welcome distraction from all of the hurt in is world.

"Have you talked to Ducky?" Tony asked.

"He said Jimmy isn't doing much better." Gibbs replied.

"I just want him to be OK." Tony replied.

"We all do kid but it's going to be a long road. Well you get that." Gibbs replied.

"Yeah but I am clueless on how Jimmy is feeling. I loved Ziva but she was not my wife. Well she was but a few hours is far different than nearly three years. Especially since I knew that she was dying when I married her." Tony explained.

"I am glad you are not comparing but rest assured that Leon and I have his six." Gibbs replied.

* * *

The afternoon wore on Gibbs and Tony remained on the couch and Tali continued to play with her blocks. Out of the blue one of the blocks dropped from Tali's hand. She picked it back up and continued playing like nothing had happened. Tony however had a far different reaction. In an instant he was off the couch checking Tali over and looking into her eyes.

"Abba? What you doing?" Tali asked.

"I am just making sure you are OK." Tony replied.

"She's just fine." Gibbs assured.

"That block just fell from her hand." Tony remarked.

"Yeah kids drop things all the time." Gibbs reminded.

"I know but Nettie said that's how it started with Ziva. She had trouble holding onto things and her fine motor skills suffered." Tony explained.

"She dropped one block. I wouldn't worry." Gibbs assured.

"So what I just brush it off until it's too late?! So I lose her too!" Tony snapped.

"Tony I..." Gibbs started.

"NO! I am not going to lose my daughter too!" Tony cried.

"You won't." Gibbs assured.

"I need some air. You take care of Tali." Tony replied.

* * *

Jimmy found himself sitting in the parking lot of a dingy motel. He had told Ducky the meeting was canceled and had him take him home. Once he was home he had slipped a couple of the sleeping pills into Ducky's lunch. He felt guilty drugging his boss and mentor, but he needed to get out. Once he was sure that Ducky was asleep. He quietly grabbed the pill bottle and sneaked out the front door. He quietly drove to the motel, figuring it was the best place to end everything. He got out of the car and soon spotted a familiar face. Before long the person had grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug.

"I know why you are here and I am not going to let it happen." Tony whispered.

"Why are you here?" Jimmy asked.

"I was on my way to meet with a geneticist to see about testing Tali for Sheppard's, when nature called. This was the closest place with public facilities and I am relieved that things happened the way that they did." Tony explained.

"Save Tali, you can save her, but you cannot save me." Jimmy argued, shoving Tony away.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony be able to talk some sense into Jimmy? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	18. The Cut

Jimmy knew that fighting Tony was a futile battle. Tony was a trained federal agent who had probably fifty pounds on him. Still he wanted to get away. No he needed to get away. He kicked, punched, and pushed Tony but it was no use. Before long he was being forcibly dragged to Tony's minivan, he heard the backdoor slide open and was half expecting Tony to shove him into Tali's car-seat. Instead he was buckled into the backseat and the door slammed hard behind him. Tony raced around and practically dove into the driver's seat. Jimmy wondered why the hell he was in the backseat and then he heard it. The subtle click of the child locks. The van backed out of the parking lot and Jimmy sank down into the seat. This was his new life. He was nothing more than an unpredictable child and would never again be free. His mind went to the bottle of pills, they had fallen from his pocket in the scuffle. He looked back at Tony and remembered that he had injured his shoulder rough housing a few weeks back. He had been given pain killers but Tony never used pain killers longer than he absolutely had to. If they could just get to Tony's apartment.

"Ducky's not feeling good. Can I come home with you?" Jimmy requested.

"I never filled the prescription. My reactions are too risky with a toddler." Tony explained.

"You are too good." Jimmy replied.

"I've been suicidal before. I know all the tricks." Tony commented.

"I just want to be free." Jimmy whispered, to himself.

* * *

Once again the ordeal with Jimmy, reminded Tony of his mother's death. This time he was reliving having to shove his grief aside. The difference being that this time Tony was shoving aside his grief for Ziva. Because he had already mourned for her and right now Jimmy needed the support. Unlike when he was a kid and Senior just didn't want him to grieve. He looked through the mirror at his friend and wondered why the grief was so rough for him. Gibbs was a different case because he had lost both his wife and his child, but Vance had seemed to come through so well. Everybody grieved differently but maybe Tony just hadn't seen the director's pain. He had been a buddy to the children and helped Vance polish off a couple of bottles of scotch and pigged out on brownies with him, but had he really helped? Had he been a shoulder to cry on? He had been so caught up in helping Ziva catch Bodnar and then his own pain after Ziva left. Of course then again maybe he was doing just want Vance needed. Grief was a strange thing and it was clear that he could not be a friend to Jimmy. He had to be assertive and available. By now Jimmy was balled up in the corner sobbing and saying Breena's name over and over again. They came to the highway and Tony had to turn his focus back to his driving. He heard movement in the backseat but wasn't going to take chances in rush hour traffic. He came to a red light and took that as an opportunity to check in on Jimmy. He spotted a red liquid seeping off the seat and onto the floor. His heat skipped a beat when he remembered that he had gone with Gibbs to the grocery store earlier that morning. Gibbs' knife had been missing ever since. He pulled the car off the road and climbed into the backseat. Jimmy's hands were clutched tightly around the object. He tried to grab it but that only made Jimmy tighten his grip. He tried to overpower Jimmy but the younger man shoved him hard. Tony regained his footing and tried again to the take the knife. This time Jimmy returned the blade to his wrist. He dug the blade hard into his wrist and violently twisted his hand. He looked Tony in the eye the entire time that he was doing it. Blood was rapidly pouring out of Jimmy's arms but the younger man was using the last of his strength to fight with Tony.

"Jimmy, please!" Tony pleaded.

"NO! I want to die! I want to die." Jimmy sobbed.

* * *

The pain in Jimmy's wrists was almost unbearable but the last thing he wanted was help. He wanted to be dead and he did not give a shit about anything else. His strength was fading fast and he knew that he was about to lose the fight. He took one last look into Tony's big green eyes. The hurt and fear in them was almost unbearable but not as unbearable as his grief. Surrendering the last ounce of his strength he collapsed into Tony's waiting arms.

"I'm coming Breena" Jimmy slurred.

* * *

The next few moments were pure terror for Tony. Jimmy was convulsing in his arms and the convulsions were only adding to the blood loss. He knew that he needed to apply pressure to the wounds and call 911, but he was in a panic. How the hell was he supposed to be OK in this situation? His best friend was bleeding to death and it was entirely his fault. He should have looked for that damn knife that morning, he should have checked on Jimmy sooner, he should have called 911 from the hotel. He had failed his oldest friend. If Jimmy died he may as well be the murderer.

"Sir are you OK?!" A frantic voice called.

"My friend tried to kill himself, he's been really fucked up since his wife died and today he tried to kill himself." Tony rambled.

"OK, what did he do?" The woman asked.

"He slit his wrists. I was driving with him and I couldn't look back. He slit his wrists. Oh God he slit his wrists!" Tony cried.

"You go sit down, I will take over." The woman insisted.

"He's really bad. He needs professional help and fast." Tony replied.

"Sir I am a paramedic." The woman assured.

"Just save him. Please I was supposed to protect him." Tony pleaded.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Jimmy survive his latest ordeal? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	19. Broken

Deep down Tony knew there was nothing that he could have done. Jimmy had been really fucked up since he found out that Breena was sick and everything just piled up on him. First with Ed taking his own life and then with Breena's condition going down hill so rapidly. He was shattered and if it hadn't of been the knife. It would have been something else. People in Jimmy's state couldn't be trusted alone. He had heard stories of people hanging themselves with shoe laces or computer cables. What Jimmy needed right now was intensive inpatient psycho therapy. He was furious that the hospital had not recognized that when Jimmy was admitted after his fight. They just released him to an outpatient alcohol program. They didn't even have somebody speak to him while he was still recuperating. Unfortunately logic was not exactly winning in Tony's present state. He was beating himself up, in his mind. He should have been able to prevent Jimmy's suicide attempt. He was a fucking cop. He had been trained to handle this exact situation. His heart was racing and his entire body was violently trembling. He had no idea what he would do if he lost his best friend. Especially knowing that if he had just found the knife. He could have gotten Jimmy help without his life being in peril.

* * *

The next thing Tony knew he was lying in a hospital bed. Apparently the paramedic who had found Jimmy and him. Had called a second ambulance for him. From what the nurses said his heart rate was dangerously high and his blood pressure was through the roof. What was worse nobody would tell him if Jimmy would be OK or not. Unable to receive answers on his friend's fate. He allowed his mind to wander to his baby girl. He wanted to get home to her and hold her in his arms. She was his entire world and he needed to do right by her. Now more than ever he needed to do right by her. Tali caused him to think about Tori. He wondered how Jimmy could forget about his own daughter. How things could get so bad in his life. That he didn't even consider Victoria.

"Ducky's getting an update." Gibbs announced entering the room.

"They won't tell me anything." Tony replied.

"I am going to tell you." Gibbs assured.

"I failed him." Tony murmured.

"How on Earth did you fail Jimmy? It was my damn knife that fell on the floor and I'm not beating myself up. Jimmy is sick and at this point there isn't anything we can do for him." Gibbs explained.

"How did he get this bad?" Tony asked.

"I really can't answer that. I know that he loved Breena more than anything. I felt the same way after I lost my girls. You just can't fight anymore or at least you think you can't." Gibbs explained.

"How could he forget Victoria?" Tony asked.

"When things get dark enough everything else goes out the window." Gibbs explained.

"If he survives, will he ever be OK again?" Tony asked.

"I don't know." Gibbs replied.

* * *

The prognosis for Mr. Palmer was far from positive. He had severed the veins and lost a significant amount of blood. He was in surgery at the moment but things were not looking good. Feeling defeated Ducky headed down to the ER downstairs where Tony had been set up in a room until he could hear something. Jethro sat at Anthony's bedside trying his damnedest to calm the terror that the younger man was enduring.

"How is he?" Jethro asked.

"It is not looking good." Ducky sighed.

"No" Tony whispered.

"He is in wonderful hands and he is a strong young man." Ducky offered.

"How bad is he hurt?" Tony asked.

"He severed the vein. They were taking a vein from his foot to relocate it to his wrist. The main concern however is the blood loss. He very nearly bled out. He has received three units of blood in the OR and they are expecting him to need more before he is back to his room." Ducky explained.

* * *

It was not long before a nurse came in and announced that Tony needed his rest. Gibbs went with Ducky to wait on news regarding Jimmy. Leaving Tony alone in his overly bright room. He wished that they had let him keep visitors. It's not like he would be able to sleep anyway. He was too afraid for his friend and too angry at himself. No matter what anybody said, he would never accept that it was not his fault if Jimmy were to die.

* * *

The hours wore on and there was still no news on Jimmy's condition. Of course given the severity of his condition. The wait was to be expected. Ducky hung off of his friend as he waited for news on his far too young assistant. Every half hour or so Jethro would go down and check on Anthony. On a positive note the younger man was slowly beginning to come around. It took seven hours but at long last. The door separating the surgical hall from the waiting room opened and a doctor stepped through.

"I am looking for the family of James Palmer." The doctor announced.

"That is me." Ducky replied.

"Good evening, I am Dr. Hagan." Dr. Hagan greeted.

"How is he?" Ducky asked.

"He came through surgery as well as to be expected and ended up receiving a fourth OR transfusion. We are prepared to administer at least one more during the night but he finally has a stable amount of blood. The next forty eight hours are going to be extremely critical and I warn you that he is far from out of the woods. As of now he is comatose and he is not responding to stimuli. He has brain activity so we take that as a positive." Dr. Hagan explained.

"How does he have brain activity but is not responding to stimuli?" Jethro asked.

"Is he?" Dr. Hagan asked.

"He's family." Ducky assured.

"To answer you question his being unresponsive could be a shock reaction. Still serious but he at least has a chance of survival." Dr. Hagan explained.

"What do you think? Your honest opinion?" Jethro asked.

"He is fighting hard and did far better than any of us anticipated, but he is very critical. I wish that I had better news." Dr. Hagan explained.

"When may I see him?" Ducky asked.

"He is going to be in recovery for at least an hour. From there he will be transferred directly to the surgical ICU. So I am afraid you will not be able to see him until morning." Dr. Hagan explained.

"Very well" Ducky sighed.

"Hey I have seen people come back from worse." Dr. Hagan assured.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Jimmy manage to beat the odds? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	20. Hanging In The Balance

With two of his friends indisposed. McGee felt like a character in a story who was forced to take up the narration, while the main characters recovered. Jimmy was still barely hanging on in intensive care. Tony had since been released but was not in condition to do much but sit around. Gibbs was tending to Tony at home and Ducky was waiting for news on Jimmy in the hospital. Given how much his friend was suffering, McGee was wondering if it would be best if Jimmy died. He remembered how hard it was when nobody could tell him if Delilah would survive or not. He would be lying if he said that he hadn't contemplated suicide in those dark hours. For Jimmy to actually lose the woman he loved. After watching her suffer for so many weeks. That pain must be beyond unbearable. McGee came to the hospital on his lunch break. Tony and Gibbs were both out and McGee was working down in cyber for the duration. Bishop had been assigned somewhere else but McGee didn't think he had been told where. Truth be told when Abby first asked him if he wanted to come to the hospital. He had his hesitations but there was nobody else around. Everybody else from cyber already had lunch plans and he hadn't exactly hit it off with the acting Medical Examiner. Dr. Walters was a nice enough guy but he didn't have the charm and wisdom of Ducky of the quirky friendliness of Jimmy. Not wanting to sit around alone for the entire lunch period. He reluctantly agreed. The drive to the hospital was nothing monumental. McGee had made far too many visits to the ICU in the recent years. It had become fairly routine. Abby asked for Jimmy's room number and they were given name badges. While they waited to be buzzed into the ICU, they walked over and greeted Ducky.

"How is he?" McGee asked.

"The same as he was last night. He has made no noticeable progress but there have been no noticeable setbacks either. This the best I can ask for at this point." Ducky explained.

"Do the doctors know any more than last night?" Abby asked.

"No news is good news." Ducky replied.

"I hate to say it but it may be better if he succumbs to his injuries." McGee admitted.

"I hate to agree with you Timothy but he has been so broken since Breena died. He may be better off just joining her." Ducky agreed.

"What will happen to Tori?" Abby asked.

"Breena's cousin is minding her while Jimmy recovers. I suspect that she and her husband will adopt her and if not well Jimmy has family here." Ducky explained.

"Do you think we could have helped him? Tony is having his own problems. He should have called somebody to take him. Could one of us have done better." Abby questioned.

"He's suicidal Abigail. Even if he pulls through and goes into treatment. It is still up to him if he recovers or not. That is the way it works. There is no if somebody had been there or not been there, if this or that had been different, or if he had gotten treatment sooner. There is only the question of if Jimmy decides that he wants to live or not." Ducky explained.

"So there's nothing we can do?" McGee asked.

"We can give him our support and that is it." Ducky replied.

"But that's not fair." Abby whispered.

"Life has been unfair lately, we best get used to it." McGee sighed.

* * *

The guilt stabbed through Tony's heart like a knife. Jimmy was barely clinging to life and Ducky was falling apart. All the while Tony was lying around in Gibbs' guest bed. Nettie was playing with Tali in the living room and Gibbs was hammering away in the basement. Tony was wishing that he could participate in something but his body refused to move. His mind kept flashing back to Jimmy bleeding all over his car. The upholstery would need to be replaced in the backseat but he could never look at that car again. Gibbs had brought it to the shop and he was going to call the next day to have it placed up for sale. He felt guilty because that was the car he had brought Tali home in but the memory of watching Jimmy bleed out would far outweigh the memory of bringing his daughter home.

"TONY!" Gibbs called from the hallway.

"What?!" Tony called back.

"I am going to go by the hospital and visit Jimmy. Do you want to come?" Gibbs asked.

"Can I?" Tony asked.

"Are you up for it?" Gibbs questioned.

"I am pretty worn but I really need to see Jimmy." Tony replied.

"Alright well I am ready whenever you are dressed. We are dropping Nettie and Tali off at the park on the way." Gibbs explained.

"Alright" Tony replied.

* * *

It was another rough night for Jimmy, and Ducky was left with some challenging decisions to make come morning. If his condition did not improve by rounds. Ducky would be forced to decide if it was worth it continue life-support or not. It was the hardest decision the old man had ever faced. On one hand Jimmy had been miserable ever since Breena had passed away, but on the other people came back from the loss of a spouse every day. How did you decide something like that? It was one thing when he had to make the ultimate decision for an old friend of his. Harold was an old man with no surviving family. Jimmy was just a boy really and as much as he missed Breena. Young Victoria was still in need of her father. He was dreading this decision and all he could do was pray that there was a major change in Jimmy's condition before morning arrived. As he prayed he sat up in his bed, tightly clutching his sheets in his fists and grimacing into the dark.

"God Dammit, Mr. Palmer! Why the hell did you do this! I know that you miss Breena but did you ever think that maybe some people would miss you if you were gone!" Ducky shouted to the darkness.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Jimmy improve? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	21. Survival

Every member of Team Gibbs had gathered at the hospital to await the news on Jimmy. Ducky had not slept at all the night before and the other members were not doing much better. There were many tears in the waiting room. As they waited for rounds to end and the news to be delivered. Ducky had not formerly stated his decision but his tears were a huge hint. After what felt like an eternity the doctor assigned to Jimmy's case entered and requested for Ducky to follow him. Abby stood to follow but Gibbs grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her back towards her seat.

"But he said family." Abby complained.

"Ducky may need a moment." Gibbs whispered.

* * *

The little ring on the vending machine opened and released Tony's pop-tarts. He bent down and grabbed his pathetic excuse for a breakfast. Ducky had gone back with the doctor no less than five minutes ago and it was extremely concerning. With each minute Ducky was gone, the emotions became more and more tense. It was hardest on Tony. Because while nobody had directly said it. He knew that people were faulting him. Not that he blamed them. It was his fault after all. He could have done something, he should have done something. He tore open the wrapper wolfed down half of a pop-tart and discarded the rest of the packet in the trashcan. Before returning to the waiting room. Ducky was just entering, a pained look on his face.

"How is he?" Gibbs asked.

"There is still no change." Ducky replied.

"So what are you going to do?" McGee questioned.

"This is not a decision I can make right away. I am going to give it another twenty-four hours." Ducky explained.

"That's best he may surprise us in that time." Bishop commented.

"Can we see him?" Abby asked.

"Yes but visits are to be kept short. Five minutes a piece, ten minutes between every third visitor. I will be staying at the hospital all day. Work it out among yourselves who goes when." Ducky explained.

"Can I go first?" Tony asked.

"Of course Anthony." Ducky replied.

"But..." Abby protested.

"Abby you can go right after Tony is done but Tony needs to go back first." Gibbs insisted.

* * *

It was a surprise and a relief that Tony was allowed to visit with Jimmy first. Stepping into the Intensive Care Unit was a surreal and terrifying experience. It got even worse when one of the nurses ushered him into Jimmy's cubicle. Seeing his friend lying on a hospital bed, so pale, and hooked up to so many machines. A single bouquet of flowers sat on the tray beside Jimmy's bed. The brightly colored, overly perfect petals felt more insulting than comforting. Jimmy had just tried to kill himself and the only decoration in his room. An overly bright, glass vase, of impending death. Tony walked over to Jimmy's bed and gently stroked his friend's shoulder. He knew it was trite and that it probably wouldn't make a difference but it had to be done. Admittedly it was more for him than Jimmy but it had to be done none the less.

"Jimmy man. I know that you are in hell right now but man you have to pull through. Please Ducky needs you, Tori needs you, we all need you. I know how much you hurt. It just about killed me when I found out that Ziva was gone but I pulled through. I pulled through because you had my six. You remember what you told me? That Tali needed me and that Ziva would not want me to give up? Well the same goes for you. Tori needs you more than anything and Breena would not want you to do this to yourself. Please just keep fighting and come back to me, for all of us. We love you." Tony pleaded to his friend's prone form.

* * *

Jimmy heard his friend's plea and deep down knew that it was true. He knew that he could not just give up. Breena didn't hate people for committing suicide. She knew that some people were just too broken to carry on. What Breena hated was the concept of suicide. That a person could be that broken that death was the only escape. He knew that it would have destroyed Breena if he had done such a thing when she was alive. He had wanted to honor Breena in her death and he knew that he could not do that if he just gave up and died. He would be committing the act that hurt her most and even worse he would be leaving sweet Victoria as an orphan. What kind of monster would he be if he left his baby girl orphaned when she was not even two years old?

* * *

After his interaction with Jimmy. Tony was forced to carry on with his day. He found himself faking his way through until he could return to his baby girl. He wanted to bask in every normal moment he had with her. They had a meeting with the genetics specialist on Thursday and even though it was merely a preliminary meeting, the actual tests would take place at a later date, and the results would not come in for months. Once they met with the geneticist, that would be the end of normalcy. This meeting could be the beginning of the end. He needed to know if Tali was affected by Sheppard's nor not but the thought of it terrified him. The idea that his daughter could one day just waste away to nothing. That she could die in a hospital bed, a husk of the girl he had adored. The image of Ziva in that bed still haunted him. The thought that it could happen to Tali one day made him sick to his stomach.

"How was work?" Nettie asked as he entered the kitchen.

"It was alright." Tony replied.

"How is Jimmy?" Nettie asked.

"Same" Tony replied.

"No news is good news." Nettie commented.

"Where's Tali?" Tony asked.

"Timeout she bit me." Nettie replied.

"Did you talk to her about it?" Tony asked.

"Yes but she just started screaming. The terrible twos are a nightmare for David children but I warn you. You may want to induce a coma when puberty hits that one." Nettie explained.

"I can handle it and I will have a word with Tali." Tony replied.

"See that you do. Dinner will be ready in an hour and I need to talk with you this evening." Nettie replied.

* * *

Tony was beside himself, he could not believe that Tali had bit Nettie and then went off on her. He knew that she was a toddler and toddlers were little psychopaths but that didn't soothe his fears. Aggression was one of the first signs of Sheppard's. The sign that Ziva had been exhibiting for years before she was diagnosed. The symptom that Tali was exhibiting in that moment. Could it be that symptoms were already presenting? How would he cope if his daughter was already symptomatic of this terrible disease? In that second he knew exactly how Jimmy had felt in the back of his car and it took all he had not to drive to the hospital where Ziva had died and throw himself off of the roof. Instead he went into Tali's room and explained to her that biting people and throwing tantrums were not OK. Before releasing her to apologize to her great aunt. Leaving him to wonder how he would cope if it turned out that she was dying as well.

* * *

 **A/N: Jimmy may finally be turning around but now Tony is needing some reassurance. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	22. Healing

The next update on Jimmy was far more promising than the last. He was still far from out of the woods and the doctors still weren't very optimistic but there was hope. A hope that had been lost the previous day when the concern was on both brain function and Jimmy's desire to fight. Sometime that morning Jimmy had finally begun to fight and was now showing signs of improved function. There was a chance he would have brain damage but Ducky knew they would get through. He had seen friends through worse and Mr. Palmer was still young. Not so young that his brain was still developing and could rewire itself but young enough that his body could still withstand a hit like this. He knew that things could go bad very quickly and that Jimmy may be far from the man that he was, but Ducky chose to focus on the positives. Jimmy was alive and he was finally fighting. They would get him to wake up and they would get him through the loss of Breena. It would be long and challenging road but many people had Jimmy's six. Most notably Anthony who stood by Jimmy in spite of his own grief for Ziva, his past pains, and the fact that he was now a single father to a toddler.

"Dr. Mallard?" Nurse Claire called.

"May I help you?" Ducky asked.

"Mr. Palmer is awake and asking for you." Nurse Claire replied.

"Of course do I need to speak with Dr. Cloud?" Ducky asked.

"He is attending to another patient at the moment but I have paged him and he will be in as soon as he can." Claire explained.

"Very well" Ducky replied.

* * *

Filled with hope Ducky stood and made his way to Jimmy's room. He didn't hold his breath remembering that Jethro had woken up only briefly during his last coma. He had awakened again the next day but still the worry had returned. Much to his relief Jimmy was still awake when he entered the younger man's room. The nurse had adjusted his bed, putting him into a sitting position. Jimmy's arms were wrapped to just below the elbow in heavy gauze. The nurses had thought to put one band on his ankle and another just above the elbow. He had a band on his other arm warning that he as suicidal and several red bulletins were hung around the room.

"Dr. Mallard" Jimmy rasped.

"Yes Mr. Palmer I am here." Ducky replied.

"I miss her" Jimmy replied.

"I know" Ducky replied.

"How am I supposed to live without her? I know that Tori needs me but I am just so afraid and unsure of how to live." Jimmy explained.

"Just know that you are not alone. I have your back and so do the others. The hospital is going to get you specialized care and they will teach you how to live without her." Ducky explained.

"What about Tori?" Jimmy asked.

"She is in very good hands and once you are a little better you can get through this together." Ducky assured.

"What if they don't trust me to care for her?" Jimmy asked.

"As long as you comply with the doctors and the therapies you will get her back. It may take some time but you will have her back." Ducky assured.

"God I hope so. I cannot carry on if I lose her too." Jimmy replied.

"You will not." Ducky promised.

* * *

Tony paced around the living room waiting for Gibbs to get home. He needed the assurance of his mentor. He needed Gibbs to guide him through if it turned out that Tali was effected and as a result not long for his world. After what felt like forever the door opened and Gibbs stepped inside carrying a brown bag of groceries in his arms.

"Sorry I took so long I had to go to the store and then Ducky called me." Gibbs explained.

"Really? Everything OK?" Tony asked.

"It's great actually. Jimmy woke up about an hour ago and was talking. He fell back asleep about twenty minutes later but he is on the right track. Ducky said that sleeping was just part of his healing process." Gibbs explained.

"Great, I hope I can see him tomorrow." Tony replied.

"Ducky said he may be in a regular room by morning." Gibbs replied.

"Awesome" Tony replied.

"I brought you guys some groceries. Nothing fancy but it's less on you. I did get Kosher foods for Nettie though." Gibbs explained.

"Thanks, I'll pay you back tomorrow." Tony replied.

"Don't worry about it. So what's the big emergency that you called me about?" Gibbs asked.

"I think Tali is positive." Tony replied.

"Did you meet with the counselor already?" Gibbs asked.

"No but she dropped that block the other day and then today Nettie said that she bit her and then threw a big tantrum." Tony explained.

"Shit" Gibbs whispered.

"I know she's dying and I can't handle it." Tony replied, voice cracking.

"No Tony she's two years old. She's going to throw fits and bite, she's going to drop things. That's just how two year olds are." Gibbs explained.

"Then why are you freaked out?" Tony asked.

"I am afraid because the idea of a half you, half Ziva baby going through the terrible two's is the scariest thing I've ever heard." Gibbs explained.

"Seriously?" Tony questioned.

"Yes seriously. Now stop worrying so much and take care of your baby girl." Gibbs replied.

"What if she is sick?" Tony asked.

"Then we'll figure it out together." Gibbs assured.

* * *

It was late at night and Jimmy was alone in his room. They were talking about moving him to a regular room the next morning. He would be there for a day or two and then he would be moved to a psychiatric hospital. Where he would remain until he was deemed stable enough to return home. From there it was follow-ups with therapists and social workers. Then he would have his baby girl back. It would be a long road but he would get through it. Because he had his family by his side.

* * *

 **A.N: Jimmy is finally on the road to recovery but did Gibbs really talk any sense into Tony? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	23. The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Getting shoved into a psychiatric hospital wasn't exactly the first thing that Jimmy wanted, but at least it meant that he would be soon reunited with Tori. That's what they had been telling him anyway. He was still unbalanced and had suffered a major breakdown. Then there was the possibility that Breena's cousin would get attached and fight for custody. She was a well rounded and happily married woman and he was a totally fucked up widower who had terrifying gashes on his wrists. In a way he hated Tony for ordering him to live. He felt that Tony was just being selfish and not wanting to endure another loss, but he was always reminded that Tony had lost Ziva twice. That he was raising a child he only found out about after Ziva's alleged death in that fire. Jimmy had watched him pray for months for Ziva to somehow be alive. He had gotten that wish only to lose her again mere hours later. Again leaving him to raise Tali on his own and try to make sense of the crazy world he had been thrust into. If Tony, who didn't exactly have a shining example of a father to follow. He certainly could. All it would take was being sure that he got Victoria back at the end of this ordeal. He prepared for a long and hard battle but prayed that it would not come down to that.

"Maria is downstairs with Victoria. If you would like to see her, I would advise doing it now. They only offer one visitors day a month at the psychiatric hospital." Ducky explained, as he stepped into Jimmy's room.

"When am I being moved?" Jimmy asked.

"As soon as this afternoon but no later than tomorrow morning." Ducky replied.

"Bring her up." Jimmy instructed.

"Of course" Ducky replied.

* * *

The last time Jimmy had seen his baby girl was the day that Breena had died. He remembered holding her close and promising to take care of her. How quickly he had failed her. She had noticeably grown in the days that Jimmy had remained in the hospital. She wore a pink dress with little white puppies on it. Breena had bought that for her and the day she went into the hospital it was huge on her. Now just a few weeks later it barely fit. It killed him to think about how much he had missed out on in her life. He dreaded the day that she asked about the events following her mother's death. Breena and him had vowed never to lie to her. She would always know the truth, but maybe this was one of those times it was OK to lie. Like when she asked about Santa Claus for the first time and nobody was ready for her to grow up so fast. In his heart he knew that it would be wrong to lie to her like that but he feared what the truth would do. In his mind she would always be this innocent child. Even if she was grown and married with her own family when she asked. She would still be his baby and he hated the idea of destroying her world.

"She's been asking for you." Maria explained.

"What did you tell her?" Jimmy asked.

"That you were sick but would be better soon." Maria replied.

"Great" Jimmy replied.

"I will give you two some privacy. I am just down the hall getting coffee from the waiting room if you need anything." Maria explained.

"We should be alright." Jimmy assured.

* * *

With that Jimmy was alone with his daughter for the first time in weeks. That's when it really hit him. This was going to be the new reality. He would be alone with her potentially for the rest of her childhood. He would have the support of friends and family but he would never have a partner to help him raise her again. At least he would not anytime soon. Years ago Breena and him had agreed to do whatever made them happy. Should the other die young or even old. He had Breena's blessing but right now she was the only woman for him.

"Daddy!" Tori giggled.

"Hey baby girl." Jimmy whispered.

"Missed you" Tori stated.

"I miss you too." Jimmy replied.

* * *

The day that Jimmy was to be released to the psychiatric hospital. Was also the day that Tony had his appointment with the genetics counselor. Since he had actually scheduled an appointment for this visit. They would be administering the tests that day. He would still have to wait for many months to get the results but at least they would be coming in a little sooner than he had originally thought. He had wanted Ducky to come with him. To explain the medical mumbo-jumbo but that would be impossible. Today Ducky was needing to put Jimmy's needs first. At least Gibbs would be with him and would be able to keep him calm and leveled.

"Everything going to come back negative." Gibbs said as Tony drove down the highway, Tali was asleep in her car seat.

"How do you know?" Tony asked.

"I get gut feelings about good things too." Gibbs replied.

"But what if you are wrong?" Tony asked.

"They are making advancements in medicine every day and we are getting Tali screened young. She will have first shot at clinical trials." Gibbs explained.

"Would Ziva be this scared?" Tony asked.

"Ziva had the disease and never got around to getting Tali screened. What does that say?" Gibbs questioned.

"Ziva just doesn't seem like the type who would worry like this." Tony commented.

"Neither do you." Gibbs reminded.

"She's my daughter." Tony reminded.

"Bingo but like I said. She is going to be just fine." Gibbs assured.

* * *

Jimmy was brought to the psychiatric hospital at four o'clock that afternoon. He was admitted and brought up to his room. He ran his fingers over the gashes in his wrists. He could not believe he had done such a thing. He really owed Tony a lot when all of this was over. At the very least a deep shampooing of Tony's van. He wished that he could be as strong as Tony was. That man could handle anything and Jimmy had just fallen apart at his first tragedy. At least he was alive to tell the tale and would soon be on the road to recovery. It would take months or even years but he had learned not to give up. Even if he didn't have a baby girl depending on him. He still could not give up. It is not what Breena would have wanted. At least not when they were this young.

* * *

 **A/N: Jimmy finally sees the light at the end of the tunnel but now Tony is having his own crisis. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	24. Questions

The appointment with the geneticist went better than Tony had anticipated. Tali remained calm while they drew her blood and examined her. She was healthy and the doctor was confident that she would receive good results. Tony was staring down the longest six months of his life but at least he would be receiving answers. After the appointment he took Tali and Gibbs for ice-cream. It was close to dinner but meeting with the geneticist seemed good enough excuse for a little desert before dinner.

"What did the doctor say?" Gibbs asked.

"Mainly they just ran tests on Tali but they tested me as well. Apparently Tali is only at risk if I am a carrier." Tony explained.

"Why did they test her then?" Gibbs asked.

"In case Ziva was wrong on paternity and to make sure she is not a carrier." Tony replied.

"You haven't had a paternity test?" Gibbs asked.

"I have seen enough to know that she is mine." Tony replied.

"True" Gibbs replied.

"So are you going to gloat if everything comes back negative?" Tony asked.

"I won't gloat but I will say I told you so. WHEN Tali is cleared." Gibbs replied.

"I want all the sprinkles!" Tali cried.

"Oh baby girl you can have whatever you want. Especially since Grandpa Gibbs is paying." Tony laughed.

"Daddy pays after doctor's appointments." Gibbs corrected.

"Just seeing how far you go." Tony smirked.

"Come on Grandpa Gibbs" Tali pleaded.

"Yeah you don't need a paternity test." Gibbs smirked.

* * *

Overall Jimmy was settling in really well, at the hospital. His greatest will to fight came from Tori. He wanted only to recover well enough that he got her back. The hospital was looking to be a great help but everything was up to him. The therapists could treat him and coach him, they could drag him to therapy sessions, but actual response came from him. With an hour until dinner time, he was enjoying his first free time of the day. He lay back on his bed and thought about Breena. For the first time since she got sick. He was able to think about her and not be crushed by guilt and depression. Instead he wondered how she would be coping if he were the one who had died. He wondered if she would have fallen apart like he had or if she would have been able to cope better. From there his mind went to how her relationship with Tori would change. He wondered how he would handle it as a single father to a daughter. He wondered how he would handle puberty and girl problems. If he would be married again or if he would depend on Abby for the maternal role. His mind drifted to Mother's day. Would Tori accept a substitute mother at the parties and dances or would she just feel sorry for herself. Would she write cards to an angel or her substitute mother. Should he date again would she be accepting or would she be weary of letting go of their one on one relationship? With each passing day he had more questions but he knew that he could only answer them as they came up, and for now he needed to focus on healing. Both for his sake and for Tori's, but mainly for Tori's.

* * *

After a lot of bargaining and debate. Tony ended up paying for the ice-cream but Gibbs promised to make dinner. While the older man was cooking. Tony sat on the couch and watched Tali play on the floor. She was playing with two dolls. One was tall and more adult like but the other was the standard baby doll design. After a moment of studying the taller doll. She ran up to her room and returned with a Barbie car.

"That's a little small for her." Tony commented.

"It's her wheelchair." Tali explained.

"Oh does that make her Delilah and the baby doll in the diaper Uncle Timmy?" Tony asked.

"No, she's Ima." Tali replied.

"Oh so dolly is sick?" Tony asked.

"Yeah and it's sad." Tali replied.

"It is but Ima is in a better place." Tony assured.

"No sad cause baby doll doesn't have an Abba." Tali explained.

"What's going to happen to her?" Tony asked.

"You take care for her?" Tali asked.

"Of course always." Tony assured.

* * *

His conversation with Tali broke Tony's heart. He ached knowing that if he were not around. Tali would be facing the same fate as her doll; alone and afraid. He wondered if Ziva had told her that she would come to him or if she had faced being alone. She was so young he doubted she truly understood any of her current situation. Any fears that he was feeling were likely his and his alone.

"You good?" Gibbs asked.

"Just thinking" Tony replied.

"Don't dwell on it or it will take twice as long." Gibbs commented.

"It's not that. It's what would have happened to Tali if it weren't for me? Like if the father were somebody who did not care or if I didn't care" Tony explained.

"I am sure that Ziva would have found somebody." Gibbs replied.

"She got sick so fast. There may not have been time." Tony sighed.

"Tony you are Tali's father and you stepped up to raise her. Even if you weren't and knew that you weren't. You would have still stepped up. Because you love Ziva that much." Gibbs assured.

"How do you know?" Tony asked.

"Because I know you better than you can imagine." Gibbs replied.

"Am I doing a good job?" Tony asked.

"You are doing an excellent job and I could not be more proud of you." Gibbs assured.

"Would Ziva be proud?" Tony asked.

"More than you know." Gibbs assured.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and Jimmy meet up again in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	25. We Have Each Other

It didn't take long for Jimmy to realize that recovery was a long and tricky process. That even though he had a strong desire and a good reason to fight. There was no magic cure. Knowing that Tori needed and wanted him. Was not enough to make it as though Breena had never died. According to the staff at the hospital that was normal and nothing to be concerned about. He would recover in his own time but he would always have his bad days. The main thing they were teaching him were coping techniques. Breena was gone but his story truly was just beginning. He was now suddenly a single father to a toddler. A toddler who asked for him and her mommy every night. She was told that her daddy would come back but mommy never would. Not that any of it mattered. Tori wasn't even two years old yet. It was painfully unlikely that she would remember anything about her mommy. She likely wouldn't notice or understand that she was gone for at least another year. That's when Jimmy would have the daunting task of explaining it to her. He dreaded the day she asked why she didn't have a mom like any of her friends. Most of them anyway, little Tali DiNozzo was also a card carrying member of the dead mom's club. It was painful but at least they had each other to lean on. Just as Jimmy had Tony to lean on in getting through the loss of his wife. He also had Gibbs, Vance, and Fornell. The latter two also had motherless children. The difference was that Tony was also father to a toddler and even if Ziva had of died in the fire. The wound would still be fresh. Jackie and Diane had only been gone a few short years but Leon and Tobias were in a completely different stage of recovery. A stage that seemed so far away and intangible to Jimmy. Then there was Leroy Jethro Gibbs who had lost his child as well and was doing amazing. At least from Jimmy's perspective. Though maybe all four men shared the struggle of forcing themselves out of bed in the morning. Jimmy would have to ask them when he got out. Whenever that may be.

* * *

It was visitors day at Jimmy's psychiatric hospital and Gibbs had agreed to mind Tali for a few hours. So that Tony could go to spend some time with his friend. He found himself fretting over what to wear, like a fifteen year old girl going on her first date. He started to put on a suit but that was so formal. If he wore just sweats he may look like he belonged in the hospital or like he was making fun of the patients. He finally decided on jeans but it was harder to select a shirt. He started to grab his "World's Best Dad" shirt but feared Jimmy would see that as a jibe. Finally he selected a plain, blue button down shirt. It was simple and there was no way it would give anyone the wrong idea. He had just fastened the last button when he heard a horn honking. He kissed Tali goodbye and reminded her to be good for grandpa. Before calling to Gibbs that he was leaving and heading out the door. Ducky was waiting out in his Morgan. The older man had chosen a similar outfit to Tony but wore a black sweater in place of the t-shirt.

"Good afternoon, Anthony. You are looking well." Ducky greeted.

"Afternoon Ducky and thank you." Tony replied.

"Timothy was supposed to be join us but he ran into a minor emergency." Ducky replied.

"Oh no, is everything alright?" Tony asked.

"Oh all is just dandy but it seems that the friend who was supposed to decorate Delilah's wheelchair for the wedding has suddenly been transferred. Timothy now has the task of finding somebody else who can take on the job. Hardly a crisis but all brides and grooms go a little crazy in the process." Ducky explained.

"Last week, McGee had me on the phone for three hours debating if he should wear a top had during the ceremony or not. I never thought I would be glad to have Tali poop through her pull-up." Tony laughed.

"That is funny but just remember you will be there one day. I have full faith." Ducky replied.

"Lord, kill me now." Tony groaned.

"Oh Anthony you will feel different when you find your one." Ducky assured.

"The thing is I think I already found her and lost her." Tony sighed.

"It has only been a few weeks since Ziva left us for good. Do not be so hasty to give up on the search for love. I did and it haunts me every day. I wonder if I could have had a family. If I had just opened up my heart." Ducky explained.

"It's never too late." Tony replied.

"While there have been cases of men giving life in their eighties. Given my family's history of dementia. I don't think that would be fair to anybody." Ducky replied.

"Well you have us. I know Jimmy sees himself as your son." Tony commented.

"Well that is very true." Ducky replied.

* * *

By the time they reached the hospital's meeting area. Tony's nerves had hit a fever pitch, he glanced through the window and soon spotted Jimmy sitting alone at a table. An orderly had escorted him up and entered a pin to open the door. Taking one last deep breath Tony stepped through and made his way to where Jimmy was sitting. He took a seat across from Jimmy at the table. There was a pregnant pause before either man could find the courage to speak.

"It's good to see you, Tony." Jimmy greeted.

"Great to see you too, how are you holding up?" Tony asked.

"I am doing alright, you?" Jimmy questioned.

"I am doing good." Tony replied.

"I thought Ducky was coming." Jimmy commented.

"He is speaking with a nurse." Tony replied.

"What about McGee?" Jimmy asked.

"Wedding craziness" Tony laughed.

"I remember those days. I was so annoyed with Breena a few times. Now I would give anything to have that back. Just to have her here." Jimmy explained.

"She is here." Tony replied.

"I know but I mean here in person." Jimmy replied.

"Ah well at least you have the memories." Tony offered.

"I know and some days they are all that keep me going." Jimmy confessed.

"You have so many great stories for Tori. All those pictures and her Facebook page." Tony replied.

"You have the same for Ziva." Jimmy added.

"Do you really think we will be OK?" Tony asked.

"I don't know but as long as we have each other, I think we can get through." Jimmy replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and Jimmy definitely have each others sixes. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	26. Home At Last

After a month and a half, Jimmy was finally released from the hospital. He would remain in outpatient therapy for the duration. The sessions would start out as daily appointments and then gradually decrease until he was totally cleared. Once his appointments were down to bi-weekly he would have the option of being evaluated to return to NCIS. Ducky agreed to support him in the meantime. There would be a court date, the following afternoon to determine Tori's custody situation. As long as he stuck to the right path, he would have no problem getting her back. He longed to have her back in his arms full time but would be happy with visitation rights.

* * *

Jimmy squinted and surveyed the parking lot. After weeks of being under artificial lights, the sun was blinding. He soon spotted Ducky and wheeled his suitcase closer to the curb. The older man grabbed the case and carefully helped Jimmy step off the curb. Jimmy was surprised to see his minivan rather than Ducky's, Morgan.

"Did your car breakdown?" Jimmy asked.

"The Morgan is A OK but there is a surprise in the van for you." Ducky replied.

"Aw you didn't have to get me anything." Jimmy replied.

"I did not get you anything." Ducky assured.

* * *

Jimmy opened the passenger side door and was surprised to see Maria sitting in the passenger seat. A soft cry came from the back. Confused he slid open the backdoor and peaked in the car-seat. Tori was in her seat, clutching her teddy bear.

"Tori?" Jimmy gasped.

"Dada!" Tori cried.

"Well are you surprised?" Ducky asked.

"I am. I didn't think I would get to see her for a while." Jimmy commented.

"Well we are both here and Tori has been asking for you. So we figured we would give you guys a short visit." Maria explained.

* * *

Ducky drove to a nearby Burger King. It was hardly a fancy lunch but it was just the outside food that Jimmy had been craving. After collecting their orders. The group exited the building and took a seat at an outside table. The first thing Jimmy did was help Victoria eat her kid's meal. Once she was fed he feasted on his Whooper and fries. Once they were down to the drinks. He grabbed Tori's hand and led her over to the play area. Hearing his daughter laugh was the most beautiful sound, Jimmy had ever heard. Tori had grown up so much in the past month and a half. Her hair had grown and her face had filled out. She looked almost identical to Breena. It put a catch in Jimmy's throat and took his breath away.

"You look so much like your mother." Jimmy told his daughter.

"Pretty?" Tori asked.

"Very, pretty" Jimmy replied, wiping away a tear.

* * *

One month down and at least five to go, before Tony received Tali's test results. He was trying to be strong but the waiting was driving him mad. Those results would literally define the rest of his daughter's life. If they were negative, they could just carry on with their lives. Pretending that nothing had ever happened, but if they were positive. Tali would spend the rest of her life waiting for a fatal progression. If he lived long enough, he would be an old man watching his daughter die. He prayed for negative but was preparing for positive. As much as you could prepare for such a diagnosis, anyway.

"Am I worrying too much?" Tony asked.

"You are focusing too much on something you can't control but you have the right to be worried. Your child may have a serious illness." Gibbs explained.

"Would you have worried like this if it were Kelly?" Tony asked.

"Of course I would have." Gibbs replied.

"Then why are you insisting that I stop stressing?" Tony questioned.

"Because I am your father and that's what we do." Gibbs replied.

* * *

After helping Gibbs wash the dishes. Tony collected Tali from her room and walked with her out to the backyard. He loved watching his baby girl grow and it broke his heart that Ziva was missing out on these precious moments. Tali climbed up onto the wooden play structure that Gibbs had built for her. She raced up to the highest place she could and began waving her arms madly towards the sky.

"Are you waving to mommy?" Tony asked.

"Yeah" Tali replied.

"I miss her too." Tony replied.

"Why couldn't Tori play today?" Tali asked.

"Her daddy got home today and she is spending time with him." Tony explained.

"We play tomorrow?" Tali asked.

"Maybe not tomorrow but soon." Tony replied.

"Abba play?" Tali requested.

"Abba play" Tony replied, laughing.

"Be careful!" Gibbs called.

"Why did you tell me and not her?" Tony asked.

"Because she dances like her mother. You twisted your knee getting off of a picnic table." Gibbs reminded.

"Whatever" Tony scoffed.

* * *

After lunch Ducky dropped Maria and Tori off at the Palmer's former home. It was surreal for Jimmy to be back in the home he had shared with Breena. Every inch of that house was filled with memories, both good and bad. He had to rush out of the living room, nearly paralyzed by the memory of Breena's hospital bed. He carried Tori up to her room and tucked her into her little bed. He climbed into the bed beside her and she buried her head in his chest. Jimmy was brought back to those cold nights last winter. When he had both girls in his arms. When Tori was still a baby and before the migraines started. He remembered watching one of those terrible movies where the wife dies and laughing at how ridiculous it was. The dad had just left the daughter at an orphanage. Breena asked him something along the lines of "Promise me you will never stop loving her." Back then it seemed so ridiculous but now it was so painfully close to his real life. Except he would never leave his baby girl. He was broken inside and she was holding him together.

"Daddy" Tori whispered.

"I am right here baby girl." Jimmy replied.

"Missed you" Tori replied.

"I missed you too." Jimmy replied.

"I miss mommy." Tori said.

"I do too but don't worry. We have each other and we always will." Jimmy assured, stroking his daughter's perfect blonde hair.

* * *

 **A/N: Jimmy is finally home but will he get Tori back? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	27. Reunited

Jimmy's hands trembled as he made his way into the courthouse. Today was the day, that would determine the rest of his life. Today was Tori's custody case. If he didn't get her back today. He would have another trial at a later date, but Jimmy couldn't face that. He had already lost Breena forever. He couldn't deal with having to go even another week without Victoria. Even if he could get visitation rights. It would not be near enough for him. Victoria was the last of his family and he needed her under his roof.

"Do not be afraid Mr. Palmer, you will get her back," Ducky assured.

"What if I don't?" Jimmy asked.

"Then we will get you improved and you will get her back at the next hearing," Ducky explained.

"What if she hates me for this?" Jimmy questioned.

"She is too young to feel that way today and she likely won't remember this when she is old enough to resent you," Ducky assured.

"I hope so." Jimmy sighed.

"Keep a positive thought. If you are negative and dwelling on the bad, you will not present yourself well in the courtroom." Ducky explained.

"It's hard to stay positive when you are this scared," Jimmy replied.

"Remember I have your back," Ducky assured.

* * *

The courtroom was pretty much like the courtrooms you see on television. There was the judge's bench, the jury booth, and two tables. Since it was a basic custody hearing there was no jury and Jimmy did not have a lawyer. If he did not gain custody and felt mistreated he would hire a lawyer for the second hearing but for now. It was just judge, bailiff, Jimmy, Maria, Ducky, and Tori. Ducky was a character witness but had also come to offer moral support. In the back of the courtroom were a few people awaiting their turn before the judge. The judge entered the room and took a seat at her bench. Jimmy gulped when he saw that it was a female judge. What if she felt that Tori needed a mother more than a father? He knew it sounded sexist but his life was on the line.

"According to my records, this trial was originally supposed to occur three days after you were released from the hospital. However at the request of Mr. Palmer's psychologist. It was postponed for a month. Is that true?" Judge Louise questioned.

"Yes, Your Honor. My therapist felt that I was not ready to stand trial so soon after my release. However, he felt I was more than ready today." Jimmy replied.

"That is just fine but do YOU feel you are ready to stand trial?" Judge Louise questioned.

"Yes, Your Honor." Jimmy stammered.

"Excellent, moving on. Please state your case, explaining why you deserve to regain custody of Victoria Elizabeth." Judge Louise ordered.

"I am aware that my behavior following my wife's death was anything but fatherly. However, I have now completed a ninety-day treatment program for alcohol and forty-five-day long stay at a psychiatric hospital." Jimmy explained.

"I am aware of your improvements. Please tell me why YOU personally are capable of caring for your daughter. Anybody can complete treatment. Are YOU ready to care for a toddler?" Judge Louise questioned.

"I know that I am just a father. I am sure you feel that Tori needs a mother. I wish that she still had one but she does have several strong female influences." Jimmy explained.

"Oh please, I was raised by a single father because my mom was too busy being a prostitute. Don't give me that nineteen fifties a child needs two parents crap. Are you fit to be a father and why?" Judge Louise scoffed.

"I know I made mistakes but I have received treatment and am in treatment. I am not a mother but I will see to it that Tori has plenty of strong woman in her life. I am going to give all I have and then some to be the father she deserves. I will make mistakes but I will always put my baby girl first. She will know her mother but she will have a father who loves her more than three parents." Jimmy explained.

"That is all I ask. According to Ducky and Maria Tori has thrived during your visitation rights and regularly asks for her daddy. Your counselors rave about your efforts in your treatment program and therapies. You will have a visit from a social worker in seven days and periodic check-ins for the next ninety days, but I see no reason for you to plead your case again. I hereby award you full custody of Victoria Elizabeth Palmer. Good luck and I don't worry about you finding a suitable female role model for Victoria." Judge Louisa assured.

"Thank you, your honor," Jimmy replied, breathing a huge sigh of relief.

* * *

After the trial, Ducky took Jimmy and Tori out for celebratory lunch. Maria was invited as well and graciously accepted. The group of four was now gathered in the corner booth of Juan's Cocina. It was not the fanciest restaurant in the world but it was cozy and homie. Just what Jimmy needed after all he had endured. Ducky sat in the middle with Jimmy and Maria on the ends. Tori's high chair was placed beside Jimmy's side of the booth. It was a celebratory meal, Jimmy wore a sombrero and Tori had a child's party hat. Maria stood and withdrew her camera to get a picture of the family. She had a sadness in her eyes but was grateful that Tori was back with her father. For the picture, Jimmy picked up Tori and held her close to his chest. She turned towards the camera and smiled.

"It's perfect," Jimmy replied, studying the photograph.

"Thank you" Maria replied.

"I know that you no longer have custody but I would be honored if you were a part of Tori's life. She thrived in your care and I want her to remain a part of Breena's family." Jimmy explained.

"Oh Jimmy, I am honored. I have to go back to Florida but I can come up and you can bring Tori down at any time. She will love a beach vacation." Maria explained.

"Thank you for all you did. It means a lot." Jimmy sniffed.

"It was no trouble at all and Breena would be proud of you," Maria assured.

"That means more than you will ever know," Jimmy replied, voice cracking.

* * *

 **A/N: Jimmy is finally healing but he still has a long way to go. This stor** **y will be ending soon. I may jump around with the timeline rather than committing to a full sequel but I am running low on ideas. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	28. Relief

Seven months had passed since Breena and Ziva had left the world. Overall Jimmy and Tony were coping well. They had good days and bad. Tony hit a wall of depression around month four but his family was keeping him afloat. Jimmy was still struggling but slowly getting back on his feet. Even with all the extended support and love of family. It was clear that what the two men needed most was each other. Regularly they would call or text late into the night. They had play dates with the girls almost every day. They would watch their babies play and talk about life. They were coping as best they could, but a dark cloud still loomed. Tony was still awaiting the results of Tali's genetics test.

* * *

The day the call came in was a day like any other. Tony woke, got dressed, and headed to work. He was setting up for his sixth period class, when his phone rang. He quietly excused himself to his office and accepted the call. At first he assumed it was Tali's daycare or Jimmy calling to arrange a play-date. He was surprised, instead to see that it was Tali's genetics doctor. This was the call he had been waiting for and dreading for so many months now. This was the call that would dictate his and Tali's futures. Good or bad he would adore his daughter forever. He just had no idea how he would cope with the bad. Losing Ziva had been horrific enough. He could not imagine watching his baby girl suffer and die from the same disease. His phone rang and rang, the doctor had called twice now. There was no more hiding or avoiding it. His future was on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

"Hello, am I speaking with an Anthony DiNozzo Junior?"

"Yes, sir"

"This is Trisha from Dr. Carlton's office. I just wanted to let you know that Tali's test results are in. Are you able to come in this afternoon? Around say, three o'clock?"

"Yeah I...I will be there at two thirty.

"Very well, see you then."

* * *

Needless to say Tony was annoyed. He wasn't sure if it was Trisha's overly cheerful voice or the fact that he couldn't get the results over the phone or arrange the appointment sooner. Maybe he was just annoyed at the world. Whatever the case, he prayed his nerves would go away before that afternoon. When he got a moment he told his boss he was leaving early and called Tali's daycare. He called Gibbs as well but was forced to leave a message. He wished that his dad was available to escort him to the appointment but sometimes that was impossible with a federal agent. He was relieved when his next choice for a companion was able to join him. His heart raced as he anticipated what the afternoon would bring. He feared for his future and for Tali's. He just wanted to hear the damn results already but he was terrified of what they would be. He wished there was a way to know but not to know.

* * *

Jimmy had been working at Slater's Mortuary since being cleared to return to work. His original plan had been to return to NCIS but he didn't like the long and unreliable hours. So he ended up taking over Slater's. At least when he was there, he felt close to Breena. He would sometimes just stand in the embalming room and remember her. He was glad he could now remember her and not be broken by his grief. As it turned out, everybody was right. It did in fact get easier. With each passing day it grew a little easier. He was lost in thought when he heard his phone ringing. It was Tony calling. Assuming Tony was arranging the daily play-date between Tori and Tali. He answered with excitement in his voice and a smile on his face.

"Hello?"

"Jimmy, I need you."

"What's up?"

"Dr. Carlton's office called. Tali's test results are in."

"When are you going in?"

"Today at three."

"I will arrange to keep Tori at the sitter and be there."

"Thank you, it means a lot."

"No problem, never a problem."

* * *

Tony, Tali and Jimmy were at Dr. Carlton's office, at exactly two thirty that afternoon. They waited for half an hour. Before at long last being called back to the doctor's office. Tony held Tali close to him as they walked back towards the office. She was so happy, calm, and full of life. It was hard to believe that in a matter of minutes. They could be told that she had an illness that would rob her of all that. He took the first seat in the office and hugged Tali to his chest. Jimmy sat beside him and placed his hand reassuringly on Tony's forearm. Five minutes later; Dr. Carlton stepped into the office, shut the door behind him, and took a seat in his chair.

"Thank you for coming in Mr. DiNozzo." Dr. Carlton greeted.

"No problem" Tony replied.

"I have both you and Tali's results in." Dr. Carlton started.

"Mine?" Tony questioned.

"We tested to determine if you were a carrier." Dr. Carlton reminded.

"Oh yeah, right. Go ahead." Tony replied.

"Our tests confirm that you are not in fact a carrier. You pose no risk of passing on Shepard's to any future children." Dr. Carlton explained.

"So if I'm not a carrier? Does that mean that Tali?" Tony questioned;

"Tali is a carrier but is unaffected." Dr. Carlton replied.

"That is wonderful! It is such a relief! I am so happy!" Tony cried.

"Do you have any more questions?" Dr. Carlton questioned.

"If Tali is a carrier? What does that mean if she has children?" Tony asked.

"It's only a twenty-five percent chance that Tali will pass the disease down and that's if she finds a man who is also a carrier. Given her status there are options for family planning. There is adoption of course and if she has to have her own child. Well they are working hard on genetic engineering techniques that eliminate the risk for genetic disorders." Dr. Carlton explained.

"OK" Tony replied.

"Anything else?" Dr. Carlton questioned.

"No but thank you, this is by far the best news I have received in a long time." Tony replied, breathing a huge sigh of relief.

* * *

 **A/N: Of course Tali is free of Shepard's. I couldn't do that to Tony. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	29. AN

Hate to disappoint with an A/N chapter but didn't know how else to communicate this. I have decided to wrap this story with the last official chapter. I have a sequel planned. That will take place four years in the future and involve Jimmy getting back in the dating game.


End file.
